Numbuh 9-Tales
by Kross Kings
Summary: From the minds that brought you classics such as Son of the Earthshaker, Fils de l'Amour, and the banter-ish Readings of each others work, Bonesboy15 and Engineer4Ever, The (self-proclaimed) Kross Kings bring you this trip down nostalgia avenue! The name's kind of childish, but then again, so are we. Just enjoy it!
1. FROSEN

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: F. R. O. S. E. N.**

 **Frigid**

 **Response**

 **Operation**

 **Saving**

 **Everyone**

 **Naturally**

* * *

"...Yes, yes I know we should've stopped him, but - but it's not our fault - What? B-b-but that's not fair! It was our mission first! We can- ...Yes, sir. Yes. Understood, sir. Thank you, sir." A bald boy sighed and hung up the telephone he was using. He then took a few steps away and fired a stream of mustard at it with the M.U.S.K.E.T. (Mustard Using Sidearm Kicks Enemy Tail) he had in his other hand.

"Ahh! My telepone!" A large rotund man with a massive green turtle shell on his back cried out in horror. His hands flew to cover his face and he fell to his knees. "No! Now how will I order takeout?"

"You could always get a cell phone," a cheerful Asian girl wearing an oversized green shirt, leggings and sneakers said as she patted the man on the shoulder.

"What?! Do I look like someone who can afford a sell pone!?" The man asked in outrage.

"Eh-he-he...Guess not..." The girl took a few wary steps away and nudged a portly boy with an aviator cap and goggles over his eyes. With his attention on her, she then swirled her finger around the side of her head and he snickered in agreement.

"What's up, Numbuh 1?" An African-American girl wearing a red ball cap asked, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the remains of a large machine.

"Global Command has decided to send another team after Professor Bob, Numbuh 5." The bald child, Numbuh 1, said with resigned acceptance.

"What?" "No way!" "Come on!" Three of the four other children protested.

"Grr...I blame the penguins." One of the three grunted. He was a short boy whose eyes were concealed by his blonde bowl cut. The boy nudged the body of a kid in a Hawaiian shirt that lay on the ground. "This is a load of crud. All because of this crummy kid's problem with a little heat!"

"Try to keep cool, Numbuh 4." Numbuh 5 advised. The boy huffed while the two others snickered at her pun. She looked back at her friend and the apparent leader of the group. "So, who's HQ sending, Numbuh 1?"

"A three man cell. Numbuh 60, Numbuh 362, and Numbuh 9-Tails."

"Numbuh 362 _and_ Numbuh 9-Tails?" The gathered kids said in awe. Those two were slowly climbing the ladder of the KND's hierarchy.

"...I don't have Numbuh 9-Tails autograph." The portly boy said.

"Now's not the time for autographs, Numbuh 2!" Numbuh 1 reprimanded, his fists balled. "Numbuh 274 is going to be breathing down our necks now for this screw up! He's going to shorten our ice cream ration for the irony's sake!"

"No!" Numbuh 2 wailed out as he fell to his knees in despair.

"Our ice cream!" The Asian girl wailed, with large streams of tears arching out of her eyes.

"Oi, knock it off, Numbuh 3!" Numbuh 4 complained as he got sobbed on.

"Don't worry Numbuh 3. Maybe we can go help them out?" Numbuh 5 tossed in with a nervous look on her face. She liked her ice cream, thank you very much!

"We can try, _no_ we will!" Numbuh 1 said, slamming his fist into his hand. He thrust his index finger into the air. "Kids Next Door, Battle Stations!"

"Yeah!"

* * *

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Numbuh 9-Tails, if you ask me one more time I'm going to turn this S.C.A.M.P.E.R. (Shaddy Camper Actually Makes Perfect Emergency Rescue-mabob) around and take you back to the moon base!" An aggravated boy dressed in mountain climbing gear shouted at the mischievously grinning blonde boy seated behind him.

The blonde boy wore an orange parka and navy pants that were tucked into snow boots, a blue headband tied around his head to keep his spiky hair out of his eyes. Over the headband was a set of green goggles that looked to be made of bottle caps and plastic wrap. His smile spread his whiskered cheeks wide, and a small gleam in his blue eyes held nothing good for anyone else, particularly any adult.

"No you're not, Patton." A blonde haired girl rolled her eyes. She wore a blue battle suit underneath an orange tiger-striped sweatshirt and had a modified strainer-turned-helmet on her head, the number 362 on a plate welded to the strainer. "This operation is a top priority, super important mission. We don't have time."

"...At least let me threaten him!" Patton mumbled sourly. He turned and glared at the girl. "And on an Op, you know that we're supposed to use code numbers."

"Yeah, Numbuh 362. Use the Numbuhs."

"Oh, don't you start, Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 362 glared at the blond on her left. "Or else, I'll tell your mom what you did to your garage."

The blond boy frowned at her. "Hey, you pinky swore!"

"My fingers were crossed behind my back."

"...Ah, crud."

"At least someone has him on a leash." Numbuh 60 smirked in amusement.

"Watch it Drill Boy, or I'll make _you_ run laps." Numbuh 9-Tails scowled and he crossed his arms.

"I'm sure I can get Numbuh 274 to toss you back into training, Whisker Face." The pilot retorted as they flew along the Arctic surface.

"Hey, my whiskers are awesome and cool!"

"Is that what your mom tells you?"

"No!" "Yes she does."

" _Rachel_!" Numbuh 9-Tails whined at Numbuh 362 while the pilot snickered. "Don't tell him that!"

The girl shrugged. "Sorry, Naruto."

"You don't sound very sorry." Numbuh 9-Tails pouted.

"...Sweet gumballs on Halloween, he _does_ have a kitty face." Numbuh 60 said while Numbuh 9-Tails glared at Numbuh 362. The glare was promptly ignored.

"Told you so," Numbuh 362 said smugly. She folded her arms and smirked at the pilot. "You owe me two of your misprinted Yipper cards."

"Can we just focus on the mission?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked sourly. He did _not_ have a kitty face! No matter what his mom or sister said!

"For now. ETA in T-minus 30 seconds!" Numbuh 60 called out as several alarms started to blare. "Weapons out and turn your safety off! We have snow days to protect!"

"Don't have to tell me twice, Numbuh 60!" Numbuh 9-Tails grinned and pulled out his weapon of choice: the H.O.T.-S.C.A.M.P.P. (Heavily Overheated Toaster - Soup Can And Magnified Photon Phlaser). It was a heat-based variant of the S.C.A.M.P.P. weapon, with a toaster attached to the flashlight battery.

Numbuh 362 shook her head and began to charge up her S.P.I.C.E.R. II (Stingy Pepper Infused Cannon Enflames Retinas MK II), a variant of the Kids Next Door's commonly issued S.P.I.C.E.R. 2x4 Technology. Instead of a hairdryer, it was a bottle of hot-sauce made into a pistol-like weapon. The little intel they had said that Professor Bob's base was fortified for the cold.

"T-minus 10." Numbuh 60 declared as he gripped the gear-shift stick. He shifted the stick up and then pulled a lever. An alarm began to flash and his eyes narrowed. "Oh, what now?"

"Incoming icicles! Numbuh 60, take evasive action!" Numbuh 362 ordered as she looked up from the radar. She glanced over at her fellow blonde operative. "Numbuh 9-Tails, are you ready?"

Numbuh 9-Tails looked at his H.O.T.-S.C.A.M.P.P.'s toaster intently before there was a ding and a piece of toast popped up. Numbuh 9-Tails pulled the toast out of the slot and began to eat it. He grinned.

"Toasted to perfection, just need some butter."

"Save it for after we're done, Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 362 ordered. She returned her attention back to Numbuh 60, who was narrowly avoiding the massive icicles being fired at their S.C.A.M.P.E.R. "Numbuh 60, deploy the battering ram!"

"Wait for it...Wait for it..." Numbuh 60 mumbled, his hand on the lever that would activate the ram.

"Wait any longer and we're going to wind up as smears on the wall! C'mon, hit it!" Numbuh 9-Tails cried out.

Seconds from the collision with the wall, Numbuh 60 pulled the lever. "Now!"

A latch flipped open and a pole with a metal football helmet that had a ram's head painted on either side flipped out. The helmet pierced through the wall and the S.C.A.M.P.E.R., as well as the three within, flew right into the Walrus shaped fortress of evil adult tyranny. Numbuh 60 hit another switch and retracted the ram.

"Fifteen seconds on the clock, Numbuh 9-Tails. Then the disoriented group should come back to their senses." Numbuh 60 informed the blond boy.

"Peace of cake!" Numbuh 9-Tails grinned and unbuckled his safety belt before he ran to the open door. Firing wildly into the shaken horde of Ice-Cream Delivery men, he cried out. "For snow angels, for Santa Claus, for Snowmen, and for wild and crazy snowball fights!"

With his warcry of choice, Numbuh 9-Tails disembarked the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. and started unload fiery beams of doom down on the Ice Cream Delivery grunts that worked the facility.

"Hiya!" Numbuh 362 jumped down after him and landed onto an Ice Cream man, kicking him right in the face as she snagged his ice cream gun. Soon enough, she started firing Five Alarm Salsa and Rocky Road in tandem to mow down her foes.

Numbuh 60 was the last one out and fired his weapon repeatedly and pulled out an ice axe. He ran at one of the Ice Cream men and slipped under him, his ice axe snagging his belt and pulled down the guy's pants.

"Ah!" the grunt cried out and started to trip and fall, firing his weapon and hitting a dozen of his own comrades before falling down.

Numbuh 9-Tails kneed a crummy adult in the gut and pulled him into a chokehold.

"Where's the Professor?!" he demanded. The adult gave him a raspberry and Numbuh 9-Tails retaliated with a very wet willy. The adult man let out a shrill scream and Numbuh 9-Tails tried again. "It can get worse! Where's Bob?!"

"I'll never talk! We have you out numbered!"

Numbuh 9-Tails raised a brow and looked up. A smirk spread across his face while the Ice Cream Delivery man struggled. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"What do you mean-No way!" the minimum waged adult cried out in shock. All of his fellow Delivery men were down. All _five_ dozen of them.

Numbuh 362 was dusting her hands off with a confident smile on her face. "And that's that."

"For the grunts," Numbuh 60 sharply reminded his superior as he bound another adult's hands behind their back. Numbuh 362 rolled her eyes and prepared her S.P.I.C.E.R. II.

"I know, Numbuh 60."

"So…" Numbuh 9-Tails grinned a little toothily at the minion. "You were saying?"

The adult caved in a heartbeat. In his own words, he wasn't paid enough to keep quiet.

* * *

Professor Bob worked his evil weather controlling device, adjusting a knob and flipping a switch as he cackled madly.

"Yes, yes!" The mad scientist giggled to himself. "Soon, there will be no more snow days! And then my perfect Hawaiian vacation can begin! And nothing can stop me! _Nothing_!"

That was when the door to the control room exploded. Three kids emerged from the smoke, a blonde girl flanked by two boys, one with black hair and the other with blond. All of them were armed with crudely constructed weapons. All three operatives had their aim locked onto the shocked man..

"No so fast, Professor Bob!" Numbuh 362 declared as she, Numbuh 60 and Numbuh 9-Tails "The Kids Next Door will never let you put an end to our snow days. Now, step away from the weather machine and put your hands in the air, or we will shoot!"

"Please don't listen to her, I didn't get to roast enough adult underwear today." Numbuh 9-tails encouraged with a grin.

"No, no!" The professor whined and stomped his feet. Numbuh 9-Tails and Numbuh 60 shared a look of amusement as the adult threw a fit. This was the best part of being a KND operative. "I almost had it! I was so close! Curse you, Kids Next Door! Curse you and the blasted cold temperature!"

"Sorry, but when you mess with _our_ snow days, this was bound to happen." Numbuh 362 looked at Numbuh 60 and nodded in the professor's direction. "Cuff him Numbuh 60."

"Roger that." the mountainaire dressed operative said, moving towards toe mad professor and pulled out a pair of handcuffs made of zip ties and tinfoil. Just as the cuffs were to be put on, the roof exploded and debris rained down on those within.

"It's over, Professor Bob!" A young English voice cried out before laser fire rained down into the control chamber.

"Hey!" "Aw, watch it!" "My beanie!" "My Laboratory!"

As the smoke dispersed, the three man cell from Moonbase were scuffed up and disoriented. Numbuh 60 was knocked away by Professor Bob just as the team from earlier landed around Numbuh 9-Tails and Numbuh 362. Seeing who they hit and what was going on, Numbuh 5 turned to the bewildered Numbuh 1.

"Uh, Numbuh 1? Numbuh 5 thinks we messed up."

"Fools!" Professor Bob cried out as he rested against a lever. "I was almost caught but now you've brought your own doom upon yourself!"

"Fr-" Numbuh 9-Tails coughed into his arm and lifted his H.O.T.-S.C.A.M.P.P. up. "Freeze!"

"It's not I who will freeze! Kids Next Door, I think it's time for you brats to _chill_ out!"

The madman cackled as he pulled the lever, freezing rays coming out of the walls and started to fire icy blue beams.

"Scatter!" Numbuh 1 cried out as he and the members of Sector V started to run around screaming with their hands in the air.

"Hehe, get it, chill out? Man, this guy is goo-" Numbuh 2 was frozen before he could finish his compliment.

"Numbuh 2!" Numbuh 1 cried out. He turned to the others. "Kids Next Door, battle stat-!"

His battle cry was cut off as one of the beams struck him.

"Numbuh 1!" Numbuh 4 called in concern. He lifted up his standard S.P.I.C.E.R. and took aim at the freeze rays. "You dirty-Hey!"

"Get down and out of the way, you fool!" Numbuh 60 scolded him as he pulled the blond boy back to avoid being hit by a stray ice beam. He dragged the boy over to a frozen Numbuh 3 and a partially frozen Numbuh 5. "You guys are the worst! We had everything under control! Then you had to come in and muck it all up! Just stay here and stay do-!"

Numbuh 362 and Numbuh 9-Tails were jumping and flipping, avoiding the freeze rays as they fired their respective weapons to take down the Freeze-rays.

"There's too many!" Numbuh 362 gritted her teeth as she duck from a beam and was back to back with Numbuh 9-Tails.

"Come on, this makes Mom's training look like a cake walk!" Numbuh 9-Tails laughed merrily as he pulled them out of the way of another beam.

"Not all of us have crazy ninja mothers!"

"She's not crazy! She's insane!"

"That means the same thing!"

Professor Bob raised an eyebrow at the sight. "Would you two like a moment?"

"Shut up!" The two blonds shouted at him as they faced the adult, only to be frozen by a stray beam because of the distraction.

"Ha! Works every time." the professor giggled evilly. He looked at the remaining KND operatives and smirked. "Now, will you go quietly, or will things have to get...colder?"

"...I blame you for this." Numbuh 4 grumbled to Numbuh 5 as he slowly lifted his hands up. She retorted with a swift elbow in his side.

* * *

"How? How do you screw up this badly twice in one day!" Numbuh 60 bellowed at the members of Sector V. All of the operatives were in the brig after being unfrozen, Numbuh 60 was in a cell with Numbuh 362 and Numbuh 9-Tails across from Numbuhs 1-5. "First, you guys get duped into helping a defector get a perfect snow cone, totally ignoring your original mission!"

"Well, to be fair-" Numbuh 1 started off, but only to be cut off by the drill sergeant.

"Then, _after_ we come in to clean up your mess so well that you can practically eat off of it, you barge onto a mission you were _ordered_ to stay away from! And if that wasn't enough, now Professor Bob is going to let us watch the end of all snow days, isn't that lovely?!" Numbuh 60 pointed a strong finger at the leader of Sector V, "If I could, I'd have your whole team running laps around the Arctic base, naked!"

"Numbuh 60, that's enough." Numbuh 362 sighed out, running a hand through her hair and looked the team across from her. "Numbuh 1 and his team were just trying to help. Sure it failed, epically-"

"Thank you, Rachel," Numbuh 1 said sarcastically.

"But they tried. _However_ ," Numbuh 362 continued sternly as she gave the bald leader a look, "If you wanted to help, you could have called and spoke with us, Numbuh 1! You have to stop being so reckless."

"Come on guys, we still got this." Numbuh 9-Tails waved off the concern with a grin from where he laid on the top ice cube bunk bed. "The damage Sector V did with their entrance made it so that Professor Bob has to fix his lab to use the machine. So, now we got some extra time!"

"Hey, Numbuh 9-Tails, can I get your-"

"Numbuh 2, not now!" Numbuhs 1 and 5 scolded him.

"Okay, geez, sor-ry." Numbuh 2 mumbled with a pout on his face.

The leader of Sector V nodded towards Numbuh 9-Tails. "You're welcome."

"We wouldn't need time if they didn't show up in the first place." Numbuh 60 grunted.

"You're just upset the Professor took your ice axe," Numbuh 9-Tails said with a smirk.

"Hey, it's part of my image! I feel naked without it."

"Ew!" The other KND operatives stuck their tongues out or made faces of disgust.

"Enough!" Numbuh 362 stood up and took charge. "We need to escape yesterday! All the world's kids' snow days are at risk with this crazy guy's plan!"

Numbuh 9-Tails let a grin spread across his lips. "I _just_ might have an idea for that."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?" Numbuh 4 asked rudely, a scowl on his face.

"He didn't confiscate our stuff from us, just our weapons." Numbuh 9-Tails chuckled. "Always a small time villains' biggest mistake."

Numbuh 9-Tails lifted his right boot onto his knee and then pulled the heel back, which revealed a lockpick kit. He opened the small packet and pulled out a bobby pin and a solid tumbler turner.

"Where'd you get that?" Numbuh 1 asked.

"Got it for my birthday last year." Numbuh 9-tails said with a small grimace. He only had two years left as a KND operative before he got wiped. Shaking the thoughts off as he fiddled with the lock, he grinned and made a final turn before the lock clicked open. "I knew Mom's 'better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it' speech meant this."

"...Thank you, Kushina, for making your son to be as paranoid as you." Numbuh 362 praised as she looked up at the ceiling.

"Hey," Numbuh 9-Tails protested. "I'm _not_ paranoid!"

"Your mom is, though."

Numbuh 9-Tails didn't even try to deny it.

* * *

"Finished!" Professor Bob stepped away from his finished repairs and set his duct tape roll on the table beside him. He wrung his hands together and he cackled. "Okay, second time's the charm! Soon, there'll be no more snow days for those rotten snot nosed kids, and I'll be drinking soda on the beaches of New York!"

"Not so fast, Professor Snob!" A familiar female voice drew the adult's attention.

"Oh, what _now_?!" Professor Bob turned around, and the irate look on his face turned into a look of shock. The Moonbase team and Sector V all had their weapons aimed at him. "What? No! Impossible!"

"Sorry, but the weatherman said there's going to be eighty-teen inches of snow tomorrow!" Numbuh 4 decreed as he aimed his S.P.I.C.E.R. at the crazy adult.

"What?" The professor looked to the weather channel playing on his left screen. He looked back at the blond boy dryly. "No it doesn't."

"It will once _we_ take control of this facility!" Numbuh 362 declared. She gestured to the side with her S.P.I.C.E.R. II. "Now, back away slowly."

The professor looked at the ceiling hopefully.

"I'd do what he says. There's no other idiots coming to save you this time." Numbuh 60 huffed as he pointed his ice axe at the adult.

"Hey!" Sector V cried out in outrage. Professor Bob could only look between them and his machine. His hand was on the 'On' switch. He flipped the switch.

"Aha! I win, you lose, I win, you lose!" He mocked the children as he performed a happy dance. "You're too late, Kids Next Door!"

Sadly for the mad professor, nothing had happened once he flipped the switch. A moment later and he realized it, frozen mid-dance to stare dumbly at his machine. A second later and he was back at the controls, twisting knobs, pushing buttons and flipping switches furiously.

"What's going on? Why isn't it going? Why won't it work?! Work! I command you to work!" Professor Bob began to smack and kick the console. "Work, darn you!"

"We unplugged you." Numbuh 5 grinned and rested her S.C.A.M.P.P. on her shoulder while she leaned on Numbuh 2. She pointed over at Numbuh 9-Tails, who was innocently whistling and spinning a power chord in his hand. Numbuh 5 smiled apologetically at the shocked man while the other operatives began to snicker. "Sorry bout that... Heh, not!"

"No." The professor slumped to his knees, his eyes wide behind his glasses while Numbuh 60 walked up to him and slapped the cuffs on him. "No... All my life's work...ruined…"

"Yep, sucks for you. But don't worry. We got a nice comfy cell for you at the _Arctic_ base, Professor Bob. You'll fit right in with all the other degenerate adults." Numbuh 60 grinned. "And maybe if you're good, we'll put you in a window room, so you can watch the snow fall."

Professor Bob let out a horrified and anguished scream as he was escorted back to the S.C.A.M.P.E.R.

Numbuh 9-Tails whistled as he walked on over and plugged the machine back into the outlet and grinned. He turned back to the other KND operatives and clapped his hands together. "So... What's the lucky first town to get a snowday?"

* * *

"And that's everything that happened, Numbuh 274, sir!" Numbuh 362 saluted to the Kids Next Door's Supreme Leader at the Moonbase. Her teammates followed her example until Numbuh 274 motioned for them to be at ease.

"Good job Numbuhs 60, 362, and 9-Tails." He smiled at some of his top operatives, but his face turned sour as he looked at Sector V. "And now, for you guys." He rubbed his face. "Numbuh 1, do you know how badly you messed up today?"

"But _we_ helped catch-!" Numbuh 4 began, only for Numbuh 5 to quickly muffle his words thanks to her hand clapping over his mouth.

"That's not the point," Numbuh 274 said. He shook his head in disapproval. "Not only did you get your target wrong in the first place-"

"But Numbuh 30-C tricked us!" Numbuh 2 told the Supreme Leader.

"Yes, Numbuh 86 is already decommissioning him as we speak," Numbuh 274 said tersely. "But still, if you had read the operation dossier you would've seen that it clearly states the target was Professor _Bob_. _Not_ Professor Triple Extra-Large."

The majority of Sector V had the decency to look sheepish. Numbuhs 2 and 4 rubbing their necks while looking away as they muttered weak excuses. Numbuh 3's bottom lip warbled pitifully while Numbuh 5 rubbed her arm. Numbuh 1 remained stone-faced and sure, though inwardly he was bemoaning the coming punishment.

"I hate to do this, but Sector V's ice cream ration is barred. For a week."

"A whole week!" Numbuh 5 cried out. The rest of her sector began to complain as well to this injustice, but Numbuh 274 crossed his arms.

"Oh, so would two weeks be better?" He asked. The four rowdy members of Sector V became as stony as their leader. Numbuh 274 nodded firmly. "That's what I thought. Sector V, you're dismissed!"

The five suburban kids each snapped him a half-hearted salute and slinked out of the office in defeat.

"Sorry about that guys." Numbuh 274 told the three man cell. He had an apologetic smile on his face. "Their hearts were in the right place, but you know…"

"Yeah, we know, Chad." Numbuh 9-Tails nodded, only to get nudged in the side by Numbuh 362.

"Show some respect, you dunce." She mumbled.

"But, Rachel, he's cool with it!" The blonde boy whined. He got another, harsher nudge from Numbuh 362. "Ow!"

The Supreme Leader chuckled and waved off the byplay. "He's right, Rachel. I don't mind, honest."

"Still-!"

"Am I dismissed sir?" Numbuh 60 asked curiously. "I got a prisoner to check in at Arctic base and a new batch of recruits coming in."

Numbuh 274 nodded. "Of course, Numbuh 60, thanks for coming in on such short notice."

The mountainaire dressed operative snapped a salute. "Anything for the Kids Next Door, sir!"

"Dismissed then, soldier."

With a nod to his friends, Numbuh 60 departed from the room.

"You still owe me those Yipper misprints, Patton!" Numbuh 362 called out. The boy froze mid-step and clapped a hand over his face. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Aw, dang it. Yeah, I'll get 'em for you, Rachel."

"Half the kids on this base want a crack at those misprints, Rachel," Numbuh 274 said with surprise written on his face. "How'd you get them?"

"I gamble to win, sir. That's all." Rachel preened as she folded her arms behind her back while she smirked at Naruto.

Naruto squinted his eyes are her and said, "You owe me one of those."

"Ha! You wish, Naruto."

"I'm half the reason you won them in the first place!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"I'll tell your dad it was you that broke the mirror off of his car, not Harvey!"

"If you do that, I'll tell your mom that you were the one who made that mess in your garage and not Kurama!"

"You used that once already, get a new one!" Naruto growled as he and Rachel butted heads.

"I've got a whole list, you've got one thing on me, do you _really_ want to go there, Uzumaki?" Rachel asked in turn.

"Ahem…" Chad cleared his throat and earned their attention. "Would you two like a moment?"

"No." They both answered. They took a second glance at their proximity to each other and then stepped away firmly. A good arm's length away from each other.

"Maybe you guys should head home, it's almost dinner time." The Supreme Leader said before his phone went off. He looked at the caller and grimaced. "Sorry guys, I've gotta take this." He flipped it open. "Hi Mom. Yeah, I know I've got Glee Club in ten minutes, I'll be there. I promise! Yes, yes, I'll pick up some milk, too. Okay, listen I've really gotta go, Mom. Yeah, I love you too, bye Mom." He hung up the phone and turned around. Chad blanched when he saw that his subordinates could barely hold back their snickers. "Alright, you're both dismissed."

"Last one to the pod is a rotten egg!" Naruto declared and raced out of the office.

"Hey, no fair!" Rachel shouted as she quickly gave chase.

Chad watched them run off and headed to his personal rocket bay to return to his never ending torture-er, Glee Club.

* * *

 **Bonesboy15: Whoo! That was a hoot!**

 **Engineer4Ever: So, you like this little brain baby of ours? And it's all thanks to the youtube vid "107 Facts You Should Know About Codename: Kids Next Door."**

 **Bonesboy15: At the end of a video is a link to the Greenlight Galactic KND petition. That April Fool's video wasn't just a video, folks, that was a one-hundred percent authentic bid to the fans of KND to bring the series back!**

 **Engineer4Ever: We want to see more space battles and what Numbuh 4 has to say to Toiletnator!**

 **Review!**


	2. PARENTS

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: P. A. R. E. N. T. S.**

 **Paralyzing**

 **Assault**

 **Round**

 **Earth**

 **Needs**

 **To**

 **Stop**

* * *

"Mm, no, no!" Naruto tossed and turned in his bed. He'd broken out into a cold sweat, his eyes squeezed together and his brow furrowed. "My ramen! Give it back, Rachel! It's innocent!"

A small clump of strawberry blonde hair could be seen at the edge of his bed, along with a pair of violet eyes. The eyes watched as the blond twisted around in his bed. They narrowed sharply in thought and the owner's body crouched down before it all of a sudden sprung onto the sleeping KND operative.

"Wake up, big brother!" The violet-eyed attacker cried out as it landed on the blond's stomach.

"Gah!" Naruto grunted at the impact and glared at the one who woke him up from his ramen dream. The smiling face of a little girl was the focus of his ire. The blond boy growled at his giggling little sister. "Kanon..."

"Mom says it's time to wake up, big brother. It's breakfast time!"

"...What's for breakfast?" He asked through a yawn as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Not ramen!"

"Then I'm going back to sleep."

"Nu-uh! Mommy said she'd give me an extra cookie for lunch today if I woke you up. So get up!" Kanon said, pulling his orange comforter off of his form. The older boy curled up into his sheets, but those were soon taken from him as well.

"Ugh, fine!" Naruto complained and pushed her off his bed as he got up.

"Yes! Cookies, you are mine!" The giggling girl proclaimed as she jumped up and down on his discarded sheets.

Naruto rolled his eyes as he went to get dressed for the day, pulling on a pair of jeans. "Sugar fiend."

"Takes a fiend to know a fiend! Bleh!" Kanon stuck her tongue out at him, and Naruto retorted with the same as she ran out the room giggling. With a sigh, Naruto threw his pajamas into his hamper and pulled on a white T-shirt with an orange flame on it before he went out into the kitchen.

Seated at the breakfast table was his dad, who was reading the paper and eating some sort of adult soup-breakfast, while his mom stood at the stove, making some fresh eggs if the smell was anything to go by. Naruto sat down across from his sister, who sat on their father's left, which put him on their father's right.

"Naruto, you should have woken up earlier." His mother scolded him gently as she put the eggs on a plate that had some toast already set on it. She placed the dish in front of him and kissed the top of his head. "Good morning, my little fishcake!"

"Mom!" He whined at the stupid nickname that was the bane of his current childhood. Naruto pouted as his mother merely giggled and went back to the stove, leaving him to poke at his food with his fork.

"Oh, come on, Naruto." His dad gave him a small grin. "It's not that bad. Your mother gave me a much more terrible name when I was your age."

"Yeah, not many can take being called Girly Boy on a daily basis with such grace." His mom winked at her dad.

"Kushina…!" The blond man whined just like his son.

"Mommy and Daddy are silly." Kanon giggled at her parents' antics as she ate her Rainbow Munchies.

"See, Minato? Kanon thinks we're silly!" Kushina purred at her husband. "I think I can handle that."

Minato gave his wife a small smirk as she walked over to stand beside him. "I suppose I can, too."

"Ugh, disgusting." Naruto blanched at his parents' actions. He gagged when they shared a brief kiss. "Eww! Can you guys stop being all _lovey-dovey_? It's so gross!"

"Lovey dovey made you." Kushina pointed triumphantly. Naruto's face turned red, he remembered the time he had to get what they called "The Talk" and it was not pleasant. Especially because of what he walked in on. There was a reason Naruto had started to regularly go to talk to Numbuh DSM-5 when he had a chance.

He could never look at his parents the same ever again. Sometimes not at Kanon, either.

"Great, now I've lost my appetite." Naruto mumbled as he pushed his plate forward.

A knock on the kitchen door drew the parents' attention away from their embarrassed and grossed out ten-year-old son. The family turned to see a familiar blonde haired neighbor. Kushina walked over and opened the screen door with a smile on her face.

"Good morning, Rachel!" She greeted the girl with a wide smile on her face. "Come in, come in. Would you like some fresh breakfast?"

"No thank you, Miss Kushina," Rachel said with a small smile. She walked over to Naruto. "Just need to ask Naruto something about our homework that's due today."

Minato raised a brow and looked at his son. "Really?"

"Hey! I get it done!" Naruto protested with a frown.

"Miss Charity says otherwise," Kanon said around a bite of cereal.

"...Kanon, don't make me put bugs in your bed." Naruto glared at his baby sister.

"Ha! I'm not some sissy! I like bugs!" Kanon smiled broadly, which earned her a laugh from Rachel. Rachel ruffled the strawberry blonde's short hair, making the girl smile at her. "Morning Rachel!"

"Morning, Kanon." Rachel smiled at the little sister of her fellow KND operative. "Good going standing up for us girls. Sometimes boys forget that we're super tough."

"Darn right we are." Kushina nodded and grinned at her children. "I train _both_ my babies to be strong after all!"

"Ninja power!" Kanon raised her fists in the air with a cheer.

Minato sighed happily and turned the page in his newspaper, content with the world around him. His little girl was never going to be a girly-girl that oogled boys and went ga-ga over boy bands. He'd sooner become an evil Dad-tator and destroy them all under his heel than let that happen. And no one, not even that Father of those Delightful Children from Down the Lane, would be able to stop him. Especially with his son at his side. Together, they'd protect his princess from those rude, crude, bad, evil, and just plain no-good _boys_ that'd want to do her harm.

"Eh, Mom? Dad's snickering evilly again." Naruto pointed out as his and Rachel's hands slowly reached for their on-hand 2x4 Technology.

"Oh don't worry, he's just thinking of the new episode of Rainbow Monkey's, right dear?" Kushina asked him sternly.

"Huh?" Minato blinked and look at his children and neighbors child. At their stares, he laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head, "Yes, that's it. Going to go a little...darker in the new one."

"In Rainbow Monkey's?" Naruto asked dryly.

"One of them leaves the island, to never return."

Rachel and Kanon gasped in horror, the former's skin pailing. In fact, she looked ready to faint. Kanon's bottom lip trembled and her eyes watered up.

"Daddy, no! Which one is it?!" Kanon hugged her Rainbow Monkey backpack to her chest. "Is it Dandy-Monkey? Happy-Smiling-Day Monkey!?"

"I cannot say." Minato said solemnly.

Naruto rolled his eyes and slumped down in his chair. "Like it matters. It's just another ploy to get another monkey more spotlight and sell more du-er, dolls."

"You're definitely going into marketing when you grow up." Minato mused.

Naruto paled. "But I _hate_ ties!"

"How about a bowtie?" Kushina asked and smiled. "You looked so handsome in your little orange and blue bowtie for our family reunion."

Naruto blanched while Rachel snickered.

"Mo-om!"

"Come on, Naruto, let me see that homework." Rachel nudged her friend with a smirk on her face. Naruto sent her a thankful look as he stuffed some toast in his mouth and fled to his room with his best friend. Upon opening the door to his room, Rachel blanched.

Old ramen cups were scattered around the room, and hundreds of dirty clothes covered the surface area. There was even what looked like a snake slithering under Naruto's bed. The lampshade was hanging upside down on the closet door as a makeshift basketball hoop, stuffed to the brim with clothes.

"Seriously, Naruto, how do you live in this filth?" She asked.

"What? I cleaned it. You can totally see half of my floor."

"Not the point, dunce." Rachel rolled her eyes and moved to his desk, "Now, where's our history homework? I didn't finish it last night since I had to babysit Harvey."

Naruto grimaced. "You mean you had to suffer alone with your bratty brother? Ouch. Hope they paid well."

"He's not _that_ bad." The blonde girl weakly defended. Naruto raised one of his eyebrows. Rachel sighed in defeat. "...Okay, so he's a little bit of a brat. But... I got him to sign up for the KND, hopefully Numbuh 60 can set him straight."

Naruto crossed his arms and closed his eyes in thought. "True, Patton can really turn a brat into a soldier, that's for sure. Still, Harv is a special kind of brat."

"Just show me the homework." Rachel groaned.

Naruto smirked and pulled it out from his desk. "One history homework from the nerds. They do good work."

"You mean you use their brains in return for satisfying their "nerd vengeance" against their bullies."

Naruto held up his hands in his defense. "Please, I am doing a service. It's all business."

"...Your dad's right, you're definitely going into marketing once you grow up." Rachel joked. She tapped her chin. "That or you're going into the CIA."

The blond boy frowned. "Either way, I'm not wearing no stinkin' tie."

Rachel stopped copying the paper and grinned at him, "Aw, but you'd look cute~"

"Puh-lease!" Naruto scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm devilishly handsome."

"...You're only saying that because your mom says that." Rachel pointed out.

"...Shut up." Naruto retorted and looked away with a smaller pout while his friend snickered. Naruto tapped his foot on the ground impatiently. "Now, you finished with that or what? We got to get to the bus stop in," he paused to look at his watch and his eyes went wide, "In one minute! Go go go!" he rushed her.

"I am, I am!" Rachel said as she jotted on her paper faster. Naruto grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder, grabbed Rachel by her wrist and rushed for the kitchen door.

"G'bye! Love you guys!" The boy shouted as he barged through the door, nearly yelling in Rachel's face as she was still trying to write while they ran. The shout made her look over her shoulder and wave at the family.

"Bye Mister Minato! Bye Miss Kushina! Bye Kanon!"

"Bye, big brother! Bye Rachel!" Kanon waved with her spoon in hand, unintentionally letting a few drops of milk fall on the floor.

"Bye kids!" Kushina waved them off, smiling widely. She leaned against the door and let out a small sigh of content.

"Dear, you're letting your shipper out again." Minato drawled before he took a sip of his coffee.

"Hush, Min. I'm plotting, I'm going next door to see Samantha."

Kanon blinked as she swallowed a spoonful of her sugary cereal. She turned to her father. "Daddy, Mommy's a little weird."

"Yes she is, sweetheart." Minato patted his daughter on the head. "Yes she is."

* * *

Naruto and Rachel breathed out a sigh of relief as they reclined into the seats on the back of the bus.

"Just in time." Rachel smiled a little as she stuffed her homework into her backpack. "Thanks, Naruto."

Naruto flashed her a grin and gave her a thumbs-up. "Don't mention it, Rachel."

"...So, I've been thinking." Rachel started off slowly and earning Naruto's attention from where it drifted to the window. "When do you think Kanon will join the KND?"

Naruto blinked in surprise. "Wow, um, I never really thought about it."

"What, never?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide.

"Well," Naruto rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Our job can get pretty dangerous, y'know? I wouldn't want her to get hurt."

"...Naruto, your sister can take down 6th graders that are twice her size and three times her weight. With a spork." Rachel deadpanned.

"I told her to use a spoon but she says a spork has less air resistance." Naruto told her. He rubbed his chin. "I wonder if there's any truth to that. ...Well, I know what _I'm_ using next time we have to face off against Grandma Stuff'em.

"The point is, your mom has been training you two since you could crawl." The blonde girl pointed out. She had seen some of the things Kushina did to her children, and it made the KND training look like Pre-K stuff in comparison. Rachel had to fight back a shiver and remain strong as she looked at her best friend. "I think she'd be an amazing Operative, don't you?"

"Yeah, but…" Naruto looked around before he leaned in and nervously whispered. "But what if some stupid boy in her sector starts to crush on her?"

Rachel looked amused at his question. Naruto was _super_ protective of his little sister. It had once gotten to the point that he had tailed her when a boy had the audacity to want to color with her. That poor kid wound up with a sore behind after he was punished by the nocturnal vampiric villain that roamed the night sky. Or, at least, that's what the official report says. Rachel, however, knew the truth and, due to a pinky promise, had to keep it close to the chest consequently.

After being questioned on it, Naruto still swore to this day that 'coloring' was a code word for something and he would do two things: A) find out what it was code for and B) keep any boy that tried away from her.

Her friend could be such a dunce sometimes.

"I think she can handle herself." Rachel argued. Naruto looked dubious at this.

"She can barely tie her shoes, let alone handle being a KND operative."

"At least talk to her about it, for me?" Rachel asked with a pout and big, brown, and watery eyes. The boy shifted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable by the face.

"Well, alright. But I'm only asking!" Naruto said firmly. He crossed his arms and looked out the window. "I'm not going to guarantee anything."

"Yes!" Rachel pumped her fist in victory. She gave her friend a grin and gently punched his arm. "Thanks, Naruto. Trust me, it's going to be awesome."

"Yeah, sure, no promises…" Naruto mumbled, still a little sour over the prospect of his sister being in the KND.

"Good morning, Naruto," Said a honey sweet voice seated in front of them. Both KND operatives turned to see a girl with pale skin, short purple hair, and lavender eyes. A gentle smile was on her face as she looked at the boy. The smile fell into a frown as she looked at his neighbor. " _McKenzie_."

"Hey Hinata!" Naruto cheerfully greeted while Rachel's face looked sour.

" _Hyuuga_." The girl greeted with a cordial nod. Their gaze became fixed on each other, intense and unblinking as their wills silently did battle.

As the two girls had a small stare off, Naruto looked between them, confused. Rachel and Hinata _always_ acted like this whenever they ran into each other since the end of last summer. They really used to be pretty close. Or, anyway, that's what Naruto thought.

"So...you get that history paper done?" Naruto asked, trying to end the out of nowhere tension that had filled the air. Hinata broke away from the silent stare-off and smiled at him.

"Of course! I get my work done on _time._ " She said and waved her hand while she sent a sly look at the blonde girl seated beside him. "It's not like I copy off my friends or something like that."

"That's funny. You have friends?" Rachel sniped back. A resounding 'Ooh' left the lips of the other kids around them and Naruto blinked.

"Of course I do. At least I don't order mine around." The lavender eyed girl said in return.

Rachel bristled and clenched a hand into a fist. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what that's supposed to mean," Hinata said coyly.

"The Princess of Burn returns~"

"I heard that Nelson!" Rachel barked, making the boy cow under her wrath.

Hinata giggled and put a finger on her lip. "Oh, is someone having a fit?"

"Uh..." Naruto simply looked between the two girls, sweat trickling down his neck. He didn't know what to do here.

"No, but I think someone's going to need a Kiss Boo-Boo Away Rainbow Monkey soon." The spy operative commented with a dangerous edge.

"Humph, well if you're going to be such a ruffian, then fine." Hinata turned back to Naruto and smiled. "Naruto, if you'd like a proper bus companion, I have a free space next to me."

The lavender haired girl ducked down with a giggle that was shared with her posse. Rachel clenched and unclenched her hands into fists.

"Oh, that-What I wouldn't give to turn her into a Pretzel Knot…" the blonde girl grumbled.

"Um, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but..." Naruto leaned over and whispered, "Rachel, you can't use KND CQC on other kids."

"She's asking for it!" Rachel hissed back.

"Maybe, but-" Naruto was about to retort until an alarm from his pocket cut him off. Naruto pulled out the modified Speed Stink deodorant communicator. Both KND operatives looked at the device as an image of Numbuh 274 popped up. The screen and message was slightly out of focus, so Naruto smacked the 2x4 technology against the bus' window. The image and audio cleared up immediately.

"Warning! Warning! Being pursued. Do _not_ follow. I repeat. Do _not_ follow."

"What's going on?" Naruto asked at the distress on their Supreme Leader's face in the urgent message.

"Naruto, contact Moonbase, now!" Rachel urged him as the other blond nodded. He called to their moonbase and it was picked up by Numbuh 65.3.

"Herbert, dude, what's happening?" Naruto asked. "The boss man's send out a global alert message to all KND on the planet!"

"Oh, Numbuh 9-Tails, Numbuh 362!" The large nerd was ready to burst into tears. "Thank goodness that you guys are still around!"

Naruto and Rachel shared a look before they returned their attention to the communicator.

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked, confused. "Of course we're still around!"

"All the other operatives on Earth have gone...silent. They've been taken down by some crazy force we can't identify!" He wailed, "Moonbase is on total lockdown. And with Numbuh 274 down there, well, not a lot is getting done about it." He finished lamely.

"And we're just _now_ hearing about this?" Rachel asked angrily, her eyes narrowed. She was still a bit emotional after the confrontation with Hinata. "Who else is around?"

"I, uh, think Sector V is still active, but we can't be sure!" Numbuh 65.3 answered meekly.

"What about Numbuh 274? Can you give us a location?" Naruto asked quickly.

Numbuh 65.3 started to type rapidly on his console. "Yeah, sure. One second, I've got to triangulify his broadcast radio-mominter and then isolate his flux-frequency with-"

"Enough of the science lesson, just do it!" Rachel ordered.

"Gulp, y-yes ma'am." Numbuh 65.3 nodded and furiously typed away at the console. A broad smile spread across his face. "Got it! The airport between sector's V and W!"

Naruto nodded. "Alright, wish us luck Numbuh 65.3."

The husky nerd gave him a salute. "Yipper speed, Numbuh 9-Tails!"

With that, the signal cut out. The two operatives turned to each other and nodded. They weren't going to school today. Adjusting their backpacks, they pulled a cord and wings flew out of them with hairdryer rockets on the ends. They launched right through the roof of the bus, leaving four trails of smoke on their seat. The other kids on the bus stared at the hole for a moment before they returned to their previous conversations.

"Man, they are so cool."

"Shut up Nelson." Hinata grit out as she crossed her arms over her chest and slumped down in her seat. She looked forlornly out the window. Oh, why did he have to look so dashing when he was going off to fight adult tyranny?

* * *

The two KND operatives landed just as a large freighter airship flew away. With their J.E.T.P.A.C.K.s (Just Enuff Thrust Propels And Carries Kid) useless, they let the gadgets fold away into storage mode and began to examine what looked like a battle zone.

"It looks like Sector V was here," Numbuh 362 said as she held up a ruined V.E.G.G.I.E. (Vegetable Ejection Gun Guarantees Infuriated Enemies) and showed Numbuh 9-Tails the underside. There was a crude number five carved into the barrel of the gun. "And that K.O.L.O.S.S.A.L.I.N.E.R. (Kuite Obnoxiously Large Oversized Super Ship Allows Landing In Nefarious Enemy Region) had a V painted on the side."

"Aw man, we just missed them!" Numbuh 9-Tails whined, kicking a nearby rock.

"Well, at least Sector V will look out for Numbuh 274...I think." Numbuh 362 said dryly as she tossed the V.E.G.G.I.E. to the side.

"What do we have here!" A voice called out and they turned to see an adult woman brushing her ruined dress and wearing some kind of helmet that looked like a head with typical mom-bob blonde hair. Her helmet's face was set in a teeth-baring scowl and her eyes were narrowed. Her blue gloves started to glow with energy. "More no good Brats Next Door?"

"Who're you callin' a brat, lady?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked, prepared to jump into action. He and Rachel jumped, all right, but it was to dodge the energy that fired from the woman's glove. The initial blast struck a mound of debris and made it explode. Numbuh 9-Tails and Numbuh 362 shared a look before they looked back at the flying adult.

"So...Got a name, or do we get to give you one?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked.

"I am Mega Mom!"

"...That's lame. What? Did you come up with that in five seconds with one of your coupons?" Numbuh 9-Tails scoffed. He looked over at Numbuh 362. "Dibs on giving her a better name in our report!"

"Seriously, not the time, Num-Er, _Nathan_." Numbuh 362 gave him a pointed look.

The meaning flew over Numbuh 9-Tails' head completely. "Who? Rachel, you know that my name's-"

"Nathan, yes, I know." Numbuh 362 repeated firmly, her eyes narrowed. She looked back at the villainous adult.

"Nathan and Rachel...Nathan and Rachel...Hmm…" Mega Mom tapped the chin of her helmet thoughtfully. She looked back at the two kids suspiciously, her gloves glowing with power. "Well, _Nathan_ and _Rachel_ , if you're not members of the Kids Next Door, then why aren't you in school today?"

"We're, uh, um...Joining our parents at work, today!" Numbuh 362 said quickly. Numbuh 9-tails and Mega Mom gave her dubious looks.

"We/You are?"

Numbuh 362 gave Numbuh 9-Tails a quick elbow in the side.

"Ow!" Numbuh 9-Tails complained and rubbed his abused ribs.

"Yes!" Numbuh 362 nodded, ignoring the hurt look her friend sent her. "Nathan and I are writing a report about our parents, who fly planes together."

"Oh." Mega Mom blinked and her gloves stopped glowing. Her hands intertwined at the side of her head, which tilted to the side. "Well, now I feel just awful! Look at you both, being productive and trying to get good grades in school! Oh, you remind me of my little boy, why just yesterday-Oh, foo, I knew I was forgetting something. So long, kids! Listen to your parents or else I'll come back and 'ground' you!"

Mega Mom then shot off in the same direction that Sector V had flown off in earlier. Numbuh 9-Tails sent Numbuh 362 a confused look.

"Wanna tell me what _that_ was all about?" He asked. Numbuh 362 gave him another look and then punched him in the arm. "Ow! What was that one for!?"

"How are you one of the best agents in the KND? How!?" Numbuh 362 asked aloud as she stormed past him.

Numbuh 9-Tails rubbed the arm that she punched and frowned. "What'd I do this time?"

"Just shut up and c'mon, Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 362 grit out as she activated her J.E.T.P.A.C.K. and shot off into the sky, going in the same direction as Mega Mom.

"...Man, girls are so weird." Numbuh 9-Tails mumbled before he activated his J.E.T.P.A.C.K. and followed after her.

* * *

"Okay, we go in hot and don't give any mercy, right?" Numbuh 9-Tails said once they landed on the airdock of Sector V's treehouse. He pulled his S.C.A.M.P.P. out and prepped it for a battle. Numbuh 362 scoffed and followed suit, priming her S.C.A.M.P.P. as they ran for the door.

"Oh, so now we're on the same page?" she asked snidely.

"What?"

"Never mind," Numbuh 362 sighed as they braced themselves outside the door. "Just watch my back, all right?"

"Don't I always?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked with a playful grin. Numbuh 362 moved in first and Numbuh 9-Tails followed after her, covering her corners and checking her blind spots. They came to a stop outside of a door that led into the main room. Through the door they could hear shouting. Numbuh 362 put a finger to her lips, motioning Numbuh 9-Tails to remain silent as she pushed the door open.

What they saw, shocked them.

All of the operatives stationed in Sector V, Numbuhs 1 through 5, were piled off to the side, frozen in place by a weird blue orb. Two adults, one helmetless Mega Mom (who looked just like her helmet) and what the two KND operatives assumed to be the 'Dad' of the pair, stood proudly by the bodies of their fallen comrades. One figure opposed them.

"Numbuh 274-!" Numbuh 9-Tails was pulled back by Numbuh 362.

"Shush! We don't want to get in his way on accident," she said to her partner. Numbuh 9-Tails grimaced, but nodded and settled down into a kneeling position. His sights locked on the big-nosed dad.

"I got the Dumbo-Dad. You got Matricide?"

"...Yes, I've got Mega Mom. Now be quiet, I'm trying to listen!"

"You… You… You're going to pay for this!" Numbuh 274 exclaimed as he flew into the air, "You're gonna pay!" he said, pulling out a communicator cellphone and dialed, "Hello, Coach Wedderhan...I'm quitting the football team."

Mega Mom and the Dad looked as though they had been struck face.

"Chad, what are you doing?!" Mega Mom exclaimed in shock.

"Hello, Honor Society? I quit."

"No!" His mother cried.

"Drama Club? Give the lead part to someone else."

Both parents bent over as if they'd been kicked in the gut.

"Young High Society Society? I quit."

Mega Mom and Destructo Dad's heads twisted to the side as if getting slugged.

"Hello, Piggy? Still need a bass player for the Scum Bucket Punks?" Numbuh 274 grinned.

"No!" Both parents wailed as they lost their footing and fell.

"Hello, Joe's Tattoo Parlor?"

"Okay! Okay, okay!" Both parents begged their son on their hands and knees. "We'll give you anything, just stop! No more!"

A small smirk played across Numbuh 274's face and he shut his communicator. "Heh."

"Cool, can I get a tattoo?" Numbuh 9-Tails said, disclosing their hidden location.

Then a resounding " **NO** " echoed around the world. Children everywhere started to feel disenchanted until they realized the one who spoke wasn't their parent. They then pitied whoever's parent that was.

Numbuh 362 turned to her friend with a small smirk. "...Naruto, your mom said no."

"Yeah, I heard that, Rachel. Thank you." Numbuh 9-Tails grumbled and let his shoulders fall. "Dang it...how does she always do that?!"

"Ancient Motherhood Art," Mega Mom said once she had stopped fretting over her son's outlandish actions. She blinked and scrutinized the two with squinted eyes. "Hey...You two look awfully familiar. Have I seen you before?"

"Uhh...Numbuh 274, dial something, quick!"

"Noo!"

* * *

"Seriously guys, sorry for what my parents did." Numbuh 274 bowed his head in shame as he stood before a de-stupified Sector V, Numbuh 362 and Numbuh 9-Tails. His parents' had flown around the world, undoing their wrongs to the KND, while he remained at Sector V with his communicator ready to cancel any other parental-pride-filling activities.

"Aw, it ain't your fault." Numbuh 5 said as she crossed her arms.

"Yeah! I mean, parents? Whatcha gonna do?" Numbuh 4 agreed, his hands up in a shrug.

A horn blared outside. "Come on, Chad! You don't want to be late for your violin lessons, do you?"

"Chad?" Numbuh 362 asked, a brow raised as a smirk crossed her face.

Numbuh 9-Tails snickered. "Wow, violin? Nice one, Boss."

"Uh, gotta go!" Numbuh 274 said quickly, flying out the Treehouse. He gave the kids a wave. "See ya!"

"In a while crocodile!" Numbuh 3 waved goodbye. The other waved along with her until the flying SUV was out of sight.

"Man! I know parents are crazy, but his parents are _freaks_!" Numbuh 4 exclaimed, getting nods of agreement all around. Numbuh 362 scoffed and pointed at Numbuh 9-Tails.

"Please, you should see Numbuh 9-Tails' mother," she said with a smirk on her face. "Miss Kushina makes Mega Mom look tame."

"My mom's not crazy," Numbuh 9-Tails protested with a frown. "She's just insane!"

"That's the same thing!"

Sector V watched the two friends walk out of the room mid-argument. Numbuh 2 nudged Numbuh 1.

"Hey, you know Numbuh 362 and Numbuh 9-Tails better than us, Numbuh 1, what's their story?" he asked. Numbuh 1 adjusted his sunglasses and sighed.

"That, Numbuh 2, is a complicated story. And it isn't mine to tell."

* * *

 **Engineer4Ever: It would be a Naruto fic without a Hinata Hime-bichon. What? She's important! In her crazy girly way.**

 **Bonesboy15: And, being the big fans we are of the Number One Knucklehead, we love to make his "love" life hilariously complicated. Not to mention we introduced his family life in this one!**

 **Engineer4Ever: Waka Waka! And yes, no Mito this time, we picked Kanon instead to be original plus her being a strawberry blonde instead of a redhead. We are original, hear us roar!**

 **Bonesboy15: Oh yeah! And next time, we get even more complex...maybe...Eh, you know we want you to do!**

 **The Kross Kings want you to REVIEW!**


	3. LEGACY

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: L. E. G. A. C. Y.**

 **Lincoln**

 **Evaluation**

 **Gradually**

 **Assesses**

 **Competent**

 **Youth**

* * *

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and frowned at the operative that stood across from him, Numbuh 3x-Squared. The plain-looking boy was a higher-up, one that far outranked Naruto, and the mission that was just given to him made him very uncomfortable. They were in one of the holding cells in the Moonbase decommissioning center, a place that had light guards and focused heavily on video-security. There wasn't much audio, though, so they couldn't be recorded.

"So let me get this straight," Naruto said. "I'm supposed to go back to Sector V and monitor Numbuh 5's sister? ...Do I look like a love-sick teenager or Numbuh 2 to you?"

"This isn't up for negotiation, Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 3x-Squared adjusted his sunglasses and kept his features stern. "We have reason to believe that Numbuh 11 was never fully decommissioned and, with her knowledge of our organization, has joined with the adults. Specifically, with Father."

The name sent a chill down Numbuh 9-Tails' spine. Every member of the KND had heard of or run into Father at one point or another. Father was rumored to have been pulling strings since he became an adult, and he's rumored to be a former KND operative as well. Naruto didn't put much weight in the rumors, but he'd heard enough horror stories about Father's fiery wrath from his friends in Sector V to be on guard.

Seriously, throwing or spewing out fireballs was so overpowered, it wasn't even funny!

* * *

On another plane of existence, a DNK operative with black hair sneezed, accidentally lighting up the ground with a small fireball. He was then reprimanded by his half-pint of a leader. The DNK operative simply kicked the boy out of his way and continued his stroll, swearing vengeance on the one that made him sneeze.

* * *

Naruto suddenly felt the urge to watch his shadow, but shook it off and looked back at the higher up. The boy arched a brow.

"Is everything all right, Numbuh 9-Tails?" The higher up asked his subordinate.

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine." Naruto mumbled, though he seemed somewhat uncertain. He shook his head again and crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, I'll do this mission, but I want it on record that I don't like it."

"Consider it noted." The higher up smiled lightly and offered him a file covered with stickers that translated to 'Top Secret' in various languages. Naruto snatched the file from the higher up and stormed out of the cell, leaving Numbuh 3x-Squared to back away into the shadows with a smirk on his face.

"Good luck, Numbuh 9-Tails, you're going to need it."

* * *

Naruto stared at his current obstacle that stood in his way for his mission.

A mahogany door.

Truly, a most fearsome foe.

"...Ugh, come on, Naruto, it's just a door. You're just visiting a 'sick' friend, no biggie. So what if she's a girl? It doesn't matter. No one's going to say anything because I'm just on a mission." Naruto mumbled to himself. He took a deep breath and raised his fist. He rapped his knuckles against the wooden entry.

What felt like an eternity was merely a few moments before the door was opened by a tall African-American man in dorky adult clothes, sweater vest and a doofy bowtie included. It took everything in Naruto's willpower to not burst out in laughter. He nearly lost it when the man started to speak.

"Well, howdy to you, youngster. What can I help ya with? Is it a petition with the words and the signing and the pens and the papers..."

Naruto smiled as brightly as he could at the adult, biting the side of his cheek to keep from laughing.

"Hi Mr. Lincoln! I'm Naruto Uzumaki, an old friend of Abigail's. I heard she was sick, so I wanted to come over and check in on her." He pulled something from behind his back, "I even brought some of my mom's special sick-day ramen. I've been told it works miracles for colds."

He had yet to have a cold since he was four years old thanks to this stuff. There was a reason that the Common Cold loathed him more than any other KND operative. The snot-slinging villain also despised his mother's ramen, on account of an attack on Numbuh 362 being swiftly countered by a single bowl. According to Rachel's report, the broth cleared up her boogers and soothed her sore throat more than any bowl of chicken noodles ever had.

It was that day she stopped bugging him about his ramen addict -er, religion.

Seriously, the dish came from the gods.

"Ah! That's so nice, with the soup, and the noodles and the broth," Mr. Lincoln said. He waved himself off. "Oh! You know what I mean."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Naruto shifted uneasily and swallowed down another round of laughter that wanted to escape his lips. "So... can I come in?"

"Of course! In fact, I'm making cookies for lil' Abby. What with the chocolate chips, and the raisins, and the pistachios...aw, you know what I'm trying to say."

...Okay, so maybe this mission wasn't going to be so bad after all. Naruto decided with a small smile.

"That's real cool of you, Mr. Lincoln." Naruto said as he was led into the nice homely living room.

"I'll take the ramen, Naruto. Get it in a bowl for Abby to have. Gotta have it while it's hot, you know! Doctor's orders." Mr. Lincoln chuckled at his own joke.

"Oh," Naruto nodded in agreement, "Absolutely."

Once the father had poured the ramen into a bowl, he placed it on a bed tray and walked to the door. "I'm going to sneak this up to Abby. Can you stay here a moment and man the oven in case the timer goes off?"

"Cookie duty?" The blond gave the man a salute. "Roger that!"

"Thanks, kiddo!" The adult said as he went upstairs, tip-toeing up each step. Naruto waited until the adult was completely gone before he burst out in laughter.

"Oh, man! Her dad's such a dweeb!" Naruto barely managed to get out. Due to his current laugh attack, Naruto barely managed to avoid the debris that flew in when the wall exploded. Blinded by the smoke, all Naruto could do was cough while Numbuhs 1 and 2 flipped into the kitchen, armed and ready for battle.

"Okay, adult scum, where's Numbuh 5-!? Numbuh 9-Tails? What are you doing at Numbuh 5's house?!" The leader of Sector V demanded. Numbuh 2 looked just as perplexed as Numbuh 1, going so far as to lower his weapon and scratch his head.

"Shh!" Naruto placed a finger to his lips and shushed the lower ranked operative. "Dude, Numbuh 5's sick and sleeping. Her dad's giving her some ramen I brought over."

Numbuh 2 frowned. "I didn't know you knew Numbuh 5 like that."

"Yeah, well, she's cool you know? Not a bad girl to hang out with, right?" Naruto answered the portly kid. He shifted uncomfortably as Numbuh 2 began to give him a scrutinizing gaze. "What?"

"...Numbuh 9-Tails, why are you here?" Numbuh 1 asked once more, suspicion in his voice.

"Dude, I'm off duty. Call me Naruto. And like I said, Numbuh 5's a friend and I'm a nice guy." Naruto huffed and rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Nigel, you are so paranoid."

"When it involves _you_ , I'm allowed to be." Numbuh 1, Nigel, said dryly.

"Ouch," Naruto said with a frown on his face. He put his hands over his chest. "That hurts me right here."

A timer went off.

"Crud, the cookies!" Naruto said as he ran over to the oven and pulled on a mitten to pull them out. He laid the treats onto a rack so that they could cool off before turned back to his fellow operatives. "So, why are _you_ guys here."

"...We haven't heard from her in two days." Numbuh 1 said simply. Naruto gave him and Numbuh 2 a bewildered look. They merely stared back at him. After a moment of silence, the blond boy put a hand on his head.

"For the love of-Nigel, how do you _not_ know when someone in your sector is sick? The KND has developed un-hackable communication devices for this very reason." Naruto said firmly. Nigel stared at him for another moment before he shivered and the blonde boy frowned. "What?"

"Never do that again."

"Do what?"

"Lecture someone. It's creepy."

"Oh, come on!" Naruto complained, throwing his hands into the air. "Rachel does it all the time!"

"That's because she isn't the one who makes mistakes, Naruto."

"Psh, she wishes."

"What's with all the commotion down here, with all the screaming, and the explosion and the-?" Mr. Lincoln asked as he came back down the stairs. "Oh! Well, well, well! If it isn't Nigel Uno and Hoagie P. Gilligan! How's it going, boys?"

"Oh, hi Mr. Lincoln." The leader of Sector V greeted. Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2 blinked before they took aim at the adult. "Where's Numbuh 5?!"

"I just told you." Naruto groaned at their stupidity. He clapped a hand over his face. "See? This is why Sector V is the laughing stock of the KND."

"We are not!" Nigel argued sharply.

"You're _just_ ranked above Numbuh 13 for competence," Naruto said dryly.

"Y-You're joking, right?" Numbuh 2 slowly turned to him with an ashen face as his weapon fell slightly. "Th-That's not funny!"

"Well, okay, you and Numbuh 5 don't get much of the slack, Nigel, but the rest of your team? Yeesh." Naruto shivered. "There's a reason you guys were initially sent after the Toiletnator so much that he gained a vendetta against you."

"...We aren't _that_ bad." The portly KND operative frowned as he repeated himself.

"Your team has, and I quote, 'The Stupid One.'"

"I don't-"

"The. Stupid. One." Naruto pointed at his face. "I'm no Numbuh 200- I.Q., but at least I know how to spell my Numbuh _and_ everyone else's correctly in a report."

"...That's not our fault!" Both Sector V members cried out.

"Shh!" Mr. Lincoln said, a finger firmly pressed against his lips. "Abigail's sleeping off the cold, and the sniffles, and with the tissues. Oh! You know what I'm saying."

"You don't mind if we check out your story, do you?" Numbuh 1 asked suspiciously.

"Oh, for Pete's sake." The blond boy palmed himself in the face. "Mr. Lincoln, I'm so sorry for making all this noise."

"Naw, it's all okay. But just be super quiet for her, okay boys?" The adult asked kindly.

"We'll see." Numbuh 1 affirmed as he stormed away with Numbuh 2 in toe. Naruto felt like banging his head against the wall. And Rachel called _him_ paranoid? Heck, even his Mom wasn't as paranoid as Nigel Uno.

And she's the woman that sent him off to the KND Arctic Base with bugged underwear and pajamas.

"Now, I think it's time we get this cookies ready. Would you like to try one?" Mr. Lincoln asked Naruto.

The blond smiled widely. "You know it, sir!"

Best. Stakeout. Ever.

* * *

It was in the middle of Naruto's second cookie that Numbuhs 1 and 2 returned to the kitchen, eager smiles on their faces.

"Well, Nigel," Naruto began slowly as Numbuh 1 sat down next to him and Numbuh 2 sat down across from him. "Does Mr. Lincoln's story check out?"

"...Yes...She looks pretty sick," Numbuh 1 said with a small frown at having to admit his mistake. He pointed at Naruto. "But that still doesn't explain what _you_ are doing here, Numbuh 9-Tails! Perhaps you're a teen in disguise, waiting for the right moment to suck Numbuh 5's brains out as she sleeps! Or you're an agent of the Common Cold's! A walking, talking, boy-mimicking virus that's been sent to ruin the lives of KND operatives one household at a time!"

Naruto gave the bald boy a dry look. This kid had _way_ too much time on his hands if that's the first thing he assumed.

"Nigel...Who placed in first in the KND CQC tournament last year?"

"Numbuh 362."

"Right." Naruto nodded and leaned forward on his arm. "I can kick her butt any day of the week. Or did you forget that?"

"Psh, yeah, right." Numbuh 2 scoffed and popped a cookie in his mouth. Around the bites he continued, spewing crumbs across the table. "Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 362 were sparring partners back at the Kids Next Door Arctic Base."

"Shut up, Numbuh 2." Numbuh 1 urged his friend as his face began to pale.

"Oh? I'm pretty sure there was someone else there, hanging around Numbuh 274?" Naruto gave Nigel a toothy smile. "Faintly I can recall something about the oldest trick in the book _and_ an atomic wedgie?"

Numbuh 1's whole body shivered and his hands moved to the sides of his pants, but stopped once he regained control of himself. Numbuh 2 blinked and looked between his team leader and the legendary operative.

"Uh...did I miss something?"

"Why do you think his butt's so big now?" Naruto asked slyly. He cupped his hands and then pulled them apart. "It was so bad that there was swelling."

"Enough about my bottom!" Numbuh 1 said, his whole face red in embarrassment. He glared at his snickering subordinate and then at the smirking Naruto. "Okay, so maybe you _are_ Numbuh 9-Tails-!"

"I can prove it with a little spar."

"...T-tha-ahem, ehem, um." Numbuh 1 cleared his throat after his voice cracked. "That won't be necessary."

Naruto smirked, "I knew you'd see it my way, Nigie."

"Only my girlfriend gets to call me that." Numbuh 1 frowned at the superior operative, and wondered how he knew that name.

"Oh, I _know_." Naruto grinned as Nigel's face paled and Numbuh 2 snickered. The soft sound of approaching footsteps made Naruto's grin fall. He straightened himself in his seat and kept his eyes on the door as the footsteps got closer.

"So how do you and Numbuh 5 know each other?" Numbuh 2 asked curiously as he took another cookie.

"We had a few run ins back when she was with Numbuh Ni-i-It doesn't matter," Naruto said as he shook the memories of time long passed away.

"Ah, there she is, my other little girl!" Mr. Lincoln proudly announced as his older daughter walked into the kitchen. The tall teenage girl with features similar to Numbuh 5's greeted her dad with a wave.

"Hey dad. Hi Hoagie." The teenager winked as she pat the portly boy on his head while she walked past him to the fridge. "What's up Nigel? And...Naruto. Wow, haven't seen you in forever."

"Cree." Naruto greeted as friendly as he could. His eyes narrowed slightly, suspicious of her real motives. Her file said she, like himself, was once a great infiltrator. Part of that job meant you had to know how to act. He covered his suspicious glare by taking a sip of his glass of milk.

"So, what's the 'big mission' today?" She asked the kids with finger quotes as she pulled a drink from the fridge.

"Not that it's any of your business, but we're planning to help Naruto admit that he has a crush on Numbuh 5." Numbuh 1 said casually, which made Naruto spit out his milk in perfect spit-take fashion.

"What?!" Naruto glared daggers at Numbuh 1 and then at the uproariously laughing Numbuh 2.

Numbuh 1 just sent him a smug look as he mouthed, 'Payback.'

"That is so cute." Cree laughed and walked over to pinch Naruto's whiskered cheek. "I can see her crushing back on you, Naruto. You're a little cutie, after all."

"How many times to I have to say it? I am _not_ cute, I'm devilishly handsome!" Naruto sternly corrected.

"Does your mom tell you that?"

"Yes! She said my dad is model worthy and that I got all his good looks!" The blond boy said as he batted Cree's hand away with a pout on his face.

Cree paused at his declaration. A lovesick sigh escaped her lips and a dopey smile crossed her face. "That's true…"

The kids blanched. Naruto and Nigel went as far as to stick their tongues out in disgust. Teenagers and their crushes. Ew.

Hoagie, meanwhile, simply sighed and stuffed his mouth with more cookies.

"What are you so upset about, Numbuh 2?" Nigel asked his old friend.

"Nothing…" Hoagie frowned and watched Cree pour herself a drink.

"Need I remind you that Cree is a teenager?" Numbuh 1 said sternly.

Mr. Lincoln let out a sigh, "Oh, they grow up so fast. One minute she was just a little girl, next she's got her brand new training bra!"

Cree looked mortified and ran up to her dad to assault him with her fists. "Da-ad! I can't believe you! How could you say that?! And in front of three boys! Ugh, you are so embarrassing!" she said as she forced him into the living room while the adult sputtered out his apology.

"What's a bra?" Numbuh 2 asked in confusion.

Numbuh 1 frowned. "And what could she be training for?"

"Uh, guys…" Naruto tried to talk to them. But they were far too gone in their paranoia.

"Let's check the L.U.N.C.H.B.O.C.K.S. (Largely Undercover Nuclear Computer Handles Balogna Or Complicated Komputer Stuff)" Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2 ducked under the table.

Naruto groaned. He lifted the tablecloth and looked at the boys crouched around the portable database. "Guys, come on!"

"Hmm…I've searched the whole mainframe for bra and nothing comes up." Numbuh 2 shrugged.

"Maybe bra stands for something." Numbuh 1 suggested, "Try the super cool naminator program."

Naruto snorted, like something would actually show up for this.

"Battle….Ready...Armor?" Numbuh 1 narrowed his gaze at the screen.

"Battle Ready Armor?" Numbuh 2 gasped.

"...Seriously? You're going to listen to a machine?" Naruto asked dryly.

"That's it!" Nigel punched his palm, "The adults have developed a new super invincible armor and now they're training teenagers to use it! We'll have to acquire some of these BRA's to analysis them for weaknesses."

"I don't know about this Battle Ready Armor guys," Naruto frowned. "If that's what bras really are, then my mom has lots of them."

"Then maybe she's evil as well..." Numbuh 1 trailed off when he saw the look Naruto had fixed him with.

Naruto had pinned him with a stern glare. "Dude, if you even _try_ to think that about my insanely awesome butt-kicking mom like that again and I _will_ kick your big bubble butt so hard you'll be wearing diapers because you won't be able to use the toilet. Got it?"

"Eh-he-he-he-he-he, yeah, I've got it." Nigel nervously nodded.

"Good. Now let's get this stupid BRA investigation over with." Numbuh 9-Tails said, he still had a stackout to do, but he best keep an eye on these two.

Who knew what kind of trouble they'd get into.

* * *

After Cree had vacated the upstairs, the boys decided to do their thing.

Raid her undergarment drawer.

If they were to ask Naruto's grandfather, it would be the most noble of causes.

They snuck into her room, shining their flashlights all around the darkened chamber of the teenager, examining it for possible traps. After the coast was clear, they decided to begin their raid.

"Where are they? We've searched everywhere." Numbuh 1 said with a huff.

Numbuh 2 grunted as he pulled one drawer that seemed to let off a glow, "I uh, think I found them."

Naruto walked on over, his eyes squinted. "Those look...pretty plain. My mom's are way more fancy looking with bows and lace and all other weird stuff."

"Move over," Numbuh 1 aid as he peeked in, "Wow! Well, don't just stand there Numbuh 2," he told his subordinate, "Take one out."

"What?! I'm not going to touch them!" Numbuh 2 pointed at Numbuh 1. "You do it."

Numbuh 1 crossed his arms, "As first in command, I order you to pick up that BRA."

"You first."

"Ugh, well, okay, okay. Don't be such a baby." The glasses wearing boy sighed and pulled out a pair.

"This...is Battle Ready Armor?" He questioned dubiously as he placed it against his chest. "It hardly covers anything!"

"Well…" Numbuh 2 hesitated before he grabbed a pair as well and held it up to the light. "Maybe once you put it on, it produces a protective energy shield or something."

"Or, you know, it's made of cotton." Naruto told the two idiots. He rubbed his temple with one hand. "Ugh, this so isn't what I signed up for…"

"Nonsense, it makes perfect sense Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 1 dismissed the blond's dry sarcasm. "And now that we have their technology, we can use it against them! Imagine the adults surprise when the Kids Next Door are wearing BRAs, too!"

"Um, Numbuh 1?" Numbuh 2 held the BRA out in front of him. "We don't even know how to use these things."

"Well, it's obvious that you just put your head through it and, um…" Numbuh 1 explained as he began to try and put the BRA on.

"Whoa, wait, I thought we were going to analyze it, not try it on!" Naruto protested.

"It's for science Numbuh 9-Tails. Science!"

"Nuh-uh, no way! Nope!" Naruto told them, walking to the door. "I'm out! There's a hopscotch line on the pavement and I'm not stepping on it!"

"Fine! See if you get any credit for _our_ discovery!" Numbuh 1 told him with a follow up raspberry.

"It's all yours, good buddy!" Naruto waved over his shoulder. As the blond exited the room, he saw Cree coming up the stairs with another portion of his mom's ramen.

"Soups on, Abigail." The teenager sang as she approached her sister's room.

"It's ramen." Naruto corrected her on reflex.

"Meh, whatever," Cree said with a shrug. She looked around. "So, where's the rest of the 'team', Naruto?"

Naruto stopped at the top of the stairs and turned around, a twitch in his eye. "One, they aren't my team. Two, uh, I'll let you figure that out on your own."

Cree narrowed her gaze, it looked a lot sharper than what a 'regular' teenager should have. Naruto filed it away in the back of his mind.

"What do you mean-" she paused, hearing voices in HER room. She set down the ramen outside of Abigail's room and went to her room. She opened her door and flipped on the light switch. The sight before her made her scream, the volume made Naruto wince.

"Are you crazy!" she shouted at the members of Sector V.

"What's the problem _teenager_? Afraid we'll put your BRAs to better use?" Numbuh 1 foolishly declared.

 _And this is why Sector V is the laughing stock of the KND_ , Naruto palmed his face at the two boys' stupidity.

Cree turned to face Naruto, a dangerous gleam in her eye. "Are you part of this?"

"No!" His natural survival instincts kicked in and Naruto shook his head furiously. "I tried to stop them!"

"Tattletale!" Numbuh 2 cried out. The accusation stung more than Naruto wanted to admit. He was _not_ a tattletale, Naruto though would accept being called one if it meant he got to continue living.

"At least one of you boys has a brain! Now," Cree said to Nigel, a glare locked on the KND sector leader. "Take it off, you little freak!"

"You'll have to make us." Were the stupid words of the day for Nigel Uno, "Right Numbuh 2?"

The portly operative was already under Cree's bed, waving at his leader sheepishly as he went under it. Naruto shook his head and leaned against the doorway. He tried to warn them.

"RAH!" Cree let out a battle cry as she charged at Numbuh 1. "I said take them off!"

"Battle Ready Armor on!" Numbuh 1 declared, but nothing happened. The inactivity made sweat start to pour down the side of his head. "Battle Ready Armor, go! Uh, Battle Ready Ar-gah!"

Cree had interrupted him when she grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off of the ground. She started to spin Nigel in the air like he was a stick. Naruto's eyes followed the screaming kid as he was spun.

"Take them off, now!" the tenager ordered as she tossed him into her dresser. Naruto decided to hang back, watching Cree and Numbuh 1 'fight'. An impressive counterattack made Naruto wince as Nigel slumped down from where he hit a mirror.

 _Fight, nothing. He's getting his butt whooped._ Naruto thought, a grimace on his face. _I think that it's safe to say she was never decommissioned if she's pulling off moves like that on Nigel._

Numbuh 1 was on the ropes, and he opened his mouth to say something that would most likely get him creamed, but was saved from his own stupidity when the door slammed open for a robed Numbuh 5 to walk in.

"What's with all the racket?!" The only decent operative of Sector V demanded around a stuffy nose.

"I caught your two little weirdo friends trying on my bras!" Cree snarled as she pointed at the dazed Numbuh 1 and a sheepish Numbuh 2. Numbuh 5 looked at Naruto and then back at her older sister. Cree folded her arms over her chest and huffed. "He was sensible enough to try and stop them."

Numbuh 5 then looked to her teammates, annoyance and exhaustion written on her face. "What are you two doin' wearing my sista's bras?!"

"But Numbuh 5, you don't understand!" Numbuh 1 waved his arms in the air frantically. "BRA stands for Battle Ready Armor."

At her confused frown, Naruto leaned over to her. "They used the super cool name-i-nator program."

"It's a weapon!" Numbuh 1 declared. "A weapon that the KND will re-modulafy to suit our purposes!"

"...Are you crazy?!" The dumbfounded girl finally shouted.

"Yes." Naruto nodded.

"Shut up, Numbuh 9-Tails." Numbuh 1 glared.

"Oh no, I agree with him." Cree added snidely. The comment made Naruto grimace. To think, he was actually _glad_ Cree agreed with him on something like this. Numbuh 5 rubbed her face before she looked at her teammates.

"A bra is for...uh, well, something. The girls, uh, use the straps to uh...l-look!" she stammered out, "Just go back to the treehouse so I can get some sleep!" Numbuh 5 looked at Naruto suspiciously. "And what are you here for?"

Cree looked at Naruto with a downright villainous look. The blonde boy's eyes narrowed. She better not...

"Well, Naruto's here because he's got a widdle crush on you, Abby." she laughed, making her younger sister go wide eyed under her ball cap. She looked at Naruto, who's face was red as he stammered for a moment.

"That's a dirty teenage lie!" The whiskered boy pointed at Cree. "Are you _seriously_ going to take her word over mine?"

"But you defend it so readily, Naruto." The teenager said coyly, tossing more timber to the fire. "And you even brought her your mom's special dish to make her feel better."

"I-! That, uh, I mean, I just... Ramen…" Naruto fumbled for words as he tried to counter the teenager's point.

"Enough about Numbuh 9-Tails love life," Numbuh 1 said.

"Yeah! My love life isn't a topic for discussion!" Naruto paused and blinked. "Wait, no, I mean, I don't _have_ a love life to discuss!"

Numbuh 1 ignored him as he addressed Numbuh 5, "What if an enemy operative come in while you're sleeping to suck your brain out?!"

"Get out!" she screamed, hurting her throat in the process. Fury filled the young girl as she pointed to her sister's door. Not only was she thoroughly embarrassed by her friends' stupidity and her older sister's teasing, but now her throat hurt.

Naruto, ever quick to follow his gut instinct, grabbed Numbuhs 1 and 2. He pulled them with him out the door.

"Well, nice seeing you again, Abby! Hope you feel better! Bye!"

A moment later and Numbuh 2 came back, laughing sheepishly while lifting up the two bras he and his leader previously wore. "I, uh, guess we won't be needing these."

He was hit in the face by a book, dropping the garments to the floor.

"Ow! See ya around Cree." He quickly ran away.

It was than Mr. Lincoln walked into the room. "Hey, where are those three going?" he pointed in the direction the two members of Sector V left from. "Aw, look." he said as he looked at his two girls. "My oldest girl is telling her little sister about bras!"

"Dad!/Oh no you didn't!" Both Lincoln children started to smack their father with their fists in embarrassment.

* * *

"And you're certain that Numbuh Eleven was never decommissioned?" Numbuh 3x-Squared asked. Naruto, or rather, Numbuh 9-Tails (considering he was in an official debriefing) had sought out the mysterious Numbuh 3x-Squared in order to wash his hands over this whole thing.

It had nothing to do with he was embarrassed over the insinuations from Cree in front of Numbuh 5. No siree. That was just a small, itty-bitty factor. Honest.

Numbuh 9-Tails gave him a deadpanned look, "I'd bet my entire Yipper collection on it. She was pulling moves that she could only do if she was KND. She remembers alright."

"I see, I'd wish to send the decommissioning team after her, but with her skill and reputation...it would be most unwise. And how was our Numbuh 5 over this?"

Numbuh 9-Tails' eyes narrowed slightly. This was also meant to test Numbuh 5's loyalties. Smart, but keeping it from him implied that they didn't trust Numbuh 5.

"She and her sister definitely seem to be at odds." Numbuh 9-Tails crossed his arms, "At least, that's what I could see from how tense they are around each other."

Numbuh 3x-Squared gave the lower ranked operative a small smile. "It seems your skills in intelligence gathering are still sharp, Numbuh 9-Tails. Continue to hone those skills. They are your greatest asset."

"...I'll sharpen what I want to sharpen." The blond operative narrowed his gaze and frowned.

Numbuh 3x-Squared raised his hands, "Of course. Merely think of it as one elder operative giving advice to the new generation."

Numbuh 9-Tails was quiet for a beat and nodded, "Yeah, sure."

"If that's all then, you're dismissed." Numbuh 3x-Squared was prepared to let him leave, only to stop him by an afterthought. "Oh, and Naruto?"

Numbuh 9-Tails turned back in time to catch an envelope that was tossed his way. Opening it, he found a few crisp dollar bills.

"Treat yourself to some pizza. Consider it a token of thanks, and...an invitation to further our relationship."

Numbuh 9-Tails frowned and tossed the envelope to the ground.

"Keep your dirty money." Numbuh 9-Tails turned and walked out of the room. "I'm not a hall monitor you can bribe."

Numbuh 3x-Squared reached down and placed the envelope back into his pocket. A small secretive smile spread across his face. "It seems not."

* * *

Numbuh 3x-Squared walked through quiet hallways to a very small and hardly visited portion of the Moon Base.

The Library.

Every book, dictionary, and comic ever created by the adults had been placed in this vault, to be screened before approved for kids to enjoy. Numbuh 3x-Squared was one of the few to use the room, and currently, he was the only one within.

With his perimeter secured, Numbuh 3x-Squared pressed down on the lapel of his shirt. His skin folded away to reveal an operative within, taller than the average kid. The room darkened and a holographic screen rose up in front of what was Numbuh 3x-Squared.

"It seems that operation: L.E.G.A.C.Y. is going exactly as you planned, sir," said an African-American teen who wore a sharp suit with a neat red bow-tie that resembled an infinity sign around his neck. The one he was speaking to was a tall silhouette of an adult with wild spiky hair and bright white eyes. The light on his form made him resemble Father in a way, especially with the lit fireplace set behind him.

"Indeed, I am very pleased with his results." The silhouette's garbled voice responded, hands steepling in front of his face.

"Though what of the other half of L.E.G.A.C.Y., sir?" The teenager asked. The shadowy figure was silent, enough to unnerve the usually stoic teen.

"...I sense that her time approaches."

"I see." The teen adjusted his collar and cleared his throat. "Then we will keep her monitored as usual, just in case, sir."

"Humph." The bright eyes narrowed harshly. "See that you do, Numbuh Infinity."

The call cut itself off and Numbuh Infinity shuddered.

"Man, that guy creeps me out sometimes."

* * *

 **Nothing much to say on this one from us, so...**

 **REVIEW!**


	4. CRUSH

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: C. R. U. S. H.**

 **Crazed**

 **Romantic**

 **Utilizes**

 **Selfish**

 **Headwear**

* * *

"Hello, one and all, to the KND Morning News Special!" The cute ginger operative Numbuh 10 said on the screen, kids worldwide watching it on their way to school. She wore a green shirt, white skirt, and white shoes. "I'm here with none other than Numbuh 9-Tails himself who single-handedly defeated PTOOEY, the Parent Teacher Organization Of Eradicating Youngsters,just moments ago!"

Naruto waved at the camera cheerfully with a bright smile on his face. "Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Kanon!"

Unknown to the blonde boy, a caption appeared just under his neck once he looked away from the camera and focused on Numbuh 10. The caption read: Numbuh 9-Tails, 2econd Most Datable KND Operative.

"Tell us, how did you manage to get another victory over PTOOEY, Numbuh 9-Tails?" Numbuh 10, smiling brilliantly at him, held the marker mike to his face.

"Sure, Tara... just, uh, give me some breathing room." Naruto whispered to her, making the girl flush.

"Sorry. Ehem! So, give us the scoop please."

"Vanilla or chocolate?" Naruto asked with a roguish grin. Numbuh 10 swatted his arm playfully.

"Always the joker, but still a heart of gold for kids everywhere. Now, quit stalling, mister."

"Well, I was doing my morning drills. Running around my block 40 times before breakfast-" Naruto was cut off as Numbuh 10 turned back to the camera.

"A very intense workout, as expected from one of the KND's current All-Stars." Numbuh 10 smiled and turned back to her interviewee. "Please, do continue."

"Right, well, I was stopping at one of the delis, get an eggwich, but there they were." Naruto grimaced at the memory. "Each member of PTOOEY was in the deli, holding up the line by complaining about their, ugh, _coffee_."

Both KND operatives gagged with their tongues sticking out.

"I tried to be polite. I mean, yeah, they're evil adults, but it was very early in the morning," Naruto shrugged. "Who wants to fight first thing in the morning without some fuel in the tummy? So, I waited on line right behind them, when the Terrible Tutor turned around and noticed me. They started a fight just because I was a kid in line!"

"Rotten adults always do these days, I swear!" Numbuh 10 scoffed.

"Right?!" Naruto nodded sternly, "So, they started to make fun of my grades, which is a high C + to B - mind you. And than they do the unthinkable!" It was here the blond narrowed his eyes dangerously, "They started to suggest I needed a helper-pet just to do day to day tasks because I was so stupid." At Numbuh 10's confused look, he elaborated. "My family's pet fox, Kurama, likes to run with me. He was waiting outside of the deli for me. They started to pick on him, too."

All those in the studio let out a gasp of shock.

"I couldn't let that go. So I forgot all about my eggwich and engaged them in mortal combat! With nothing but my fists and wits...and a makeshift Ketchup and Mustard bomb."

"Always the creative one." Numbuh 10 smiled at him before she looked at the camera. "And with that, another batch of evil adults are currently headed towards the Arctic prison. It seems they won't be going to the PTA meeting tomorrow, that's for sure."

"Heck no they aren't!" Naruto agreed and turned to the camera. He punched the air with a fist and grinned. "Kids Next Door rule!"

"Kids Next Door rule!" Kids all around the world cheered in agreement.

"Well, this has been the KND Morning News Special. Now, time for school." Numbuh 10 ended on a high note, "Tune in tonight, everyone! Bye!"

"Bye!" Naruto waved and the camera turned off. He looked to Numbuh 10 and grinned, "Man, you guys got here quick, Tara." He said as they stood before the semi-ruined Deli that was covered in ketchup and mustard.

"Sector L strives to be there to tell the kids the truth, Naruto. On another note," the cute girl began with a small smile while she twirled a strand of her hair between her fingers. "Have you decided to go with anyone to the next KND party?"

"Uh, I dunno. Haven't really been thinking about it." Numbuh 10's eyes gleamed, but before she could speak, Naruto looked at his watch and gaped. "Oh, crud! I'm so going to be late for school!"

Tara grimaced once she saw the time. "Same. We'd give you a life, but we go to totally different schools. Sorry Naruto."

The blond nodded in understanding and ran for the door. "I'll just call in a favor from a buddy."

"Keep up the good fight, Numbuh 9-Tails." Tara gave him a mock salute.

"Same to you!" Naruto shouted over his shoulder. As he ran down the street, he pulled out his communicator and typed in a three letter word. The communicator was held up to his ear and after the ring ended, Naruto grinned. "Yo, fly boy, I need a favor."

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga was a simple girl at heart. She got very good grades, was well mannered towards her parents, she was very pretty, she had lots of friends, and was pretty popular with the boys in her grade. Sadly for them, there was only one boy that was perfect enough to be with her.

Naruto Uzumaki, or as some circles knew him, Numbuh 9-Tails of the Kids Next Door.

He was just so swoon worthy. The way his gorgeous golden hair moved like a beautiful field in the summer breeze. His eyes were as blue as a sparkling ocean. And his smile, oh god, his smile! It just made her heart beat frantically. What Hinata would give to have those eyes look at her the same way she looks at him.

Unfortunately, there was an obstacle that just wouldn't learn that it needed to move.

Rachel T. McKenzie.

Ooh! How that girl just made the usually sweet tempered Hyuuga's blood boil! Even thinking her name made Hinata want to grind her perfect teeth together until only dust remained.

Rachel was rude, boyish, ill-mannered, and always monopolized Naruto's attention via their status as next door neighbors.

And to think, she and Hinata used to be pretty decent friends, too. Really all of the hate stemmed from the beginning of last summer.

Rachel was Naruto's best friend, you couldn't get close to him without getting to know Rachel as well. So, when Hinata (in girl confidence) asked Rachel if she and Naruto were dating, the brown eyed girl answered with a no. The two blonds were best of friends, but Rachel always seemed to be Naruto's...guardian one could say.

Knowing this, Hinata felt inclined to tell Rachel her plan to ask out Naruto. She was sure that, if informed properly, Rachel would agree with Hinata's viewpoint. After all, they were both intelligent girls. It was at one of their joint friend's birthday parties that she explained her plan to the girl.

The answer she got was not only unexpected, but also very upsetting.

"No! Absolutely not!" Rachel vehemently denied, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. "We're _ten_ for Pete's sake! What are you? A gross teenager or something?! No, Hinata. We've got a duty as KND operatives to stay diligent and focused on the job. Just leave Naruto alone."

It was then Hinata knew that Rachel simply had to be removed from the equation if her plan to date Naruto was ever to happen. Really, that was the only obstacle in her way, and with her wealth and influence, it wouldn't be much of a problem. Hinata knew that, eventually, she'd get what she wanted. She had all the time in the world.

After Hinata finished using the mirror in her locker, she reached in for her books when she heard something.

Something that made her realize she didn't have as much time as she originally thought.

"So, did you hear the latest news?"

"No, what?"

"Naruto Uzumaki visited Abigail Lincoln when she was sick!" A girl whispered to her friend rather loudly. "He even brought her his mom's ramen! You know how much he covets that stuff!"

"I think he's _totally_ crushing on her."

"Well, it's understandable. Abby's amazingly cool and a pretty good KND operative if rumor has it."

"Does that mean they're the new KND power couple?!"

Another squealed.

"If they go out."

"Well, I'm rooting for Abigail." One girl nodded. "We _all_ know Rachel's had her chance, but she never does anything but scare other girls away!"

"She's lost in Egypt, drowning in...what's that river called again?"

"De-Nile~!" The girls giggled and continued their gossip as they disappeared around the corner.

It was then Hinata's grip on her locker door increased in pressure to the point that she warped the metal.

Abigail ... Lincoln?

If her GWNHOW (Girls Who Naruto Hangs/Hung Out With) list was anything to go by, Naruto did hang out with Lincoln a lot when they both first joined the KND.

That...That just wouldn't do.

 _Naruto, you're being very naughty bringing all these stray girls around you._ Hinata thought with a twitch in her eye.

"Hey, did you watch the KND Morning Special?" another girl asked as she and her friend walked past.

"Duh! Numbuh 9-Tails is so cool! I mean, he is the second most datable KND operative, right before Numbuh 9 and right after Numbuh 274."

"That's only because Numbuh 9 isn't around so much and, well, Numbuh 274 _is_ Numbuh 274."

"Right. But did you catch their chemistry?"

"Totally! I so ship Naruto and Tara."

Oh, it was _on_ now! Hinata's eyes blazed as she slammed her locker shut, the wall behind the metal locker cracked. She pulled out her cell phone, dialed a number, and put the device to her ear. It rang once, twice, and then (finally) it was picked up.

"Hello, cousin? I need you to pick something up for me. It's rather urgent. Bring it to school ASAP."

* * *

"I can't believe you, Kanon." Rachel sighed as she escorted Kanon to her first grade classroom. Since Naruto had been stuck with an attack this morning, and an interview, she had been asked by Miss Kushina to bring the youngest Uzumaki to school.

She was seriously going to kick his butt for getting in a fight before school. He knew they had class that morning! And what was with that stupid caption under him!? Ugh, she was going to give Numbuh 10 and the rest of Sector L a piece of her mind the next time they saw each other. They didn't know how much that would make his ego swell once he heard about it.

Stupid Naruto for being such a stupid dunce.

"I'm sorry, Rachel." Kanon looked up at her with teary violet eyes that made a small part of Rachel squee at the sheer cuteness. It didn't help that she was holding a slightly ruffled orange fox in her arms. "I couldn't just leave Kurama alone after he was picked on!"

"I don't think your teacher is going to like having Kurama in the class." Rachel tried to prevent a potential tantrum. She got that enough from Harvey. Life so wasn't fair. Why did Naruto get the _good_ younger sibling? Not that she didn't love her brother, but he was a bit of a butt sometimes.

"Don't worry, everyone loves him. Or so it was pro-clay-ed by our oracle, Seymour," Kanon said as she rubbed her cheek against Kurama. Rachel shook her head, she didn't think she'd ever understand first graders. And she was one once! Kanon beamed a smile at the older girl. "Besides, Kurama and Mr. Fluffleupagus are best friends! How could I not bring him?"

"Alright, but keep an eye on him." The older blond said, giving Kurama a small look. The fox was a sly little thing. She knew that from first hand experience.

"Okay!" Kanon beamed and ran into her classroom once they came to the open door. "Hey guys, look who's here!"

"Ah, the other Great One! Quickly, a feast must be held! Prepare the carrot sticks and jerky!" A boy declared dramatically. The kids all cheered in agreement while the teacher sighed and mumbled something about getting another nap in.

Rachel shook her head. _First graders...I'll never understand them. I hope I wasn't that weird when I was their age._

With her job done, Rachel decided to head over to her grade's wing in Gallagher Elementary School. As she walked through the halls, she heard boys talking and girls giggling over whatever had taken their fancy that particular morning. Rachel just blocked it out. Gossip wasn't really her thing, it tended to get distracting from time to time.

 _Where are you, you dunce?_ She felt awkward without, what Miss. Kushina claimed to be, her other half. Rachel's cheeks burned. Not that she thought that at all! Naruto was just a friend, her best friend.

That's all.

Honest.

"So, Narugail or Abito?" one girl asked another. Rachel arched a brow and lingered for a moment. Okay, so she was a _little_ curious about the day's gossip. She was still a girl, it was what they did, and KND operatives were no exception.

"Puh-leze!" The other girl scoffed. "Taruto all the way. Didn't you seem them on this morning's special?"

"Yeah, but Numbuh 10 is always flirty, it's her _thing_. Lincoln and Uzumaki are, like, super cool with each other."

 _Are they talking about Abigail Lincoln and Naruto? As a couple?_ Rachel arched a brow. She snorted in amusement. The very thought was loco. Though, Rachel furrowed her brow, Numbuh 10 did seem a bit too...invested in the interview this morning.

"What about Fanny?" One asked. The question made the other girls laugh.

"I think those two would sooner kill each other than date! You know Fanny hates boys with a passion."

"Yeah, but I thought Naruto liked redheads?"

"He's not some momma's boy, silly!"

Each statement made Rachel's ire rise and her grip on her History textbook became tighter with each second.

"What about-Oh!" One of the girls laughed nervously as she took notice of the blonde girl. "H-Hey, Rachel."

All of the gossiping girls stopped talking and turned to the KND spy, waving awkwardly and giving out meek hellos.

Rachel wasn't even aware of the scary face she was giving them. She gave a curt nod. "Morning."

"...Well, look at the time! Class is in ten minutes! We better go or we're going to be late!" The gaggle of giggling girls galloped away before the blonde could even ask what brought on the topic.

Rachel let a breath out as she rested her back against a locker. Seriously, why was she getting so angry over a bunch of pointless gossip?

"And then I was like, No no! It was Fluffy-Tail Rainbow Monkey all along!"

"Mm-hm, that's nice Numbuh 3."

"But then Dentist Rainbow Monkey came in and-Oh! It's Numbuh 362! Hi, Numbuh 362!" Numbuh 3 of Sector V waved with her long green sleeve in Rachel's direction.

Numbuh 5 lifted a hand up in greeting at her fellow girl operative. "Sup, Numbuh 362?"

"C'mon, girls, we're at school. Call me Rachel." The blonde brushed off the formalities.

"Right! Hey! Hey! Rachel! You see Rainbow Monkey's last night? I swear, Naruto's dad just writes them betterer and betterer each episode!" The Asian girl said, jumping up and down in excitement.

Rachel agreed with her on that one, but shook her head. "Sorry, was working up on Moon Base. I did force my little brother to tape it for me."

"Oh, that's just as good! Can I borrow it some time?" Kuki asked cheerfully.

"Sure." Rachel agreed and looked at Abigail, who was cool as ice cream as usual. "Hey, Abigail. Feeling better?"

"Yeah," The ball cap wearing girl nodded. "Numbuh 9-Tails' mom makes a mean bowl of soup, I tell ya."

"Ramen." Rachel corrected on reflex. She'd been around the Uzumaki family to know that they ate the noodles and broth enough to fill up any adult or kid twenty times over.

"Right, ramen." The girl shouldered her backpack.

Rachel shifted a bit, and blurted out, "So why did Naruto go over your house?"

Rachel covered her mouth with her hands, consequently making her drop her textbook. She berated herself for her stupidly. She was a spy! Covert was her morning cereal! Ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Uh, well, you see…" Abigail rubbed the back of her neck, "Numbuh 9-Tails and Numbuh 5 used to be sorta tight, until, well, some personal stuff happened and we just drifted apart. He was probably just being nice is all."

"Oh."

Kuki giggled behind her long sleeve and nudged Abigail. "I think she's worried you might take Naruto away!"

"What? No way, s-shut up Kuki." Rachel said with her best mega ultra death glare (which was taught to her by Miss. Kushina).

"Ahh!" Kuki screamed before she ducked behind Numbuh 5.

Abigail chuckled and folded her arms over her chest. "Numbuh 5 thinks so, too."

Rachel pointed her glare at Numbuh 5, but the calm, cool and collected member of Sector V refused to melt.

"Personally, Numbuh 5 thought you two were already going out."

Rachel groaned as she bent down to pick up her textbook. "Why does everyone think that? We've been best friends, ever since we started KND training!"

Abigail and Kuki gave her disbelieving smirks.

"I've got class, see you later, girls." Rachel rushed past them. And if anyone ever asked, she would deny having red cheeks.

"...She so-o-o likes him." Kuki giggled out once Rachel disappeared around the corner. Abigail snickered.

"Duh, girl."

* * *

High above the city, a makeshift two-seater jet raced through the sky towards Gallagher Elementary School. It was primarily red-orange with a black spade painted on the nose. Two kids were seated in the jet, one the familiar face of Naruto Uzumaki, and the other a boy his age with strawberry blonde hair cut down leaving a few highlighted strands in the center. The strawberry blonde had solid black sunglasses on and wore an aviator jacket, not to mention he piloted the jet with ease.

"Really, Ace, thanks for the ride. My mom would've killed me if I missed even _half_ of another day of school!" Naruto leaned forward and patted the pilot, Ace, on the shoulder.

"Ah, don't mention it! I know how crazy mom's can get. You're just lucky that my school's still rebuilding after the whole fiasco with the Toilenator," Ace said in return with a grin.

"No, seriously! How can I pay you back?" Naruto asked.

"...Well, if you want to be that way, you can pay for a couple of chilli-dogs after school," Ace said over his shoulder. Naruto laughed.

"You flyboys and your chilli-dogs, what's up with that?"

"Hey, man, I don't judge you or your ramen!"

"Ramen's the food of the gods and don't you forget it!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Ace shrugged him off and looked down. "Coming up on your drop! You got your bag?"

"Always do! See ya around, Ace. Chilli-dogs on me after school!" Naruto shouted as he leapt out of the jet.

"I'll hold you to it, man!" Ace called after him and shook his head. "That guy is nuts...At least he's cool enough to balance out with it."

Naruto was free falling down to his school via Halo-jump and pulled the cord of his backpack, a drill shaped cone appeared under him as he drilled right through the roof of the school building.

He past the first two top floors and turned off his back just as he drilled through the next floor and plopped into his seat. "Nailed it!"

The bell rang.

Rachel, who was sitting next to him, punched him in the arm. "Last second much, dunce?"

"I had one heck of an escort!" Naruto shot back with a grin as he rubbed his arm. His grin faltered when he saw the look that she was giving him.

"We're having a talk about getting into battles against adults before breakfast on the way home."

"Y-Yeah, sure, Rach. No prob." Naruto stammered at her stern look. She looked back at the front of the class and he shuddered. _Man! Why did mom have to teach her_ that _look of all things?!_

Getting it from one woman was enough for him, thank you very much!

He pushed the foreboding lecture that was coming his way to the back of his mind as the teacher came into the classroom.

* * *

The final bell had rung and students began to shuffle out of the adult's specially modificatified torture facili-er, Gallagher Elementary School.

"Don't wait up, I gotta go to the bathroom." Naruto told Rachel as he zipped by her.

"Hey!" Rachel frowned, he was probably trying to ditch her out of fear. Oddly, she felt a bit proud over the ability to instill fear in her best friend. Why she was, she wasn't sure. Maybe she should ask Miss. Kushina or her mom.

* * *

Naruto sighed as he weaved through the exiting crowd of students.

"Okay, I got like five minutes before she gets suspicious. No, wait, ten, because it was mystery meat today." He said as he headed towards the bathroom.

The moment his hand pressed against the Boys' bathroom door, he was blindsided by a black blur and stuffed into the janitor's closet.

"Hey! Get off me!" The blond tried to fight back, but he felt his arm go limp as it was struck several times and his face was shoved against the wall. The black armored assailant narrowed their gaze and pulled out a chrome helmet with lightbulbs on it. He shoved it onto Naruto's head and turned the dial.

"What is this-!" Naruto cried out and went quiet. His eyes went dull and a bit of drool started to fall out of the corner of his mouth. The lightbulbs began to illuminate and Naruto snapped back to attention.

"Where is she? I want to see…" he sighed heavily, a dopey smile on his face. "My _girlfriend_."

"...The things I do for family." The black armored assailant mumbled in slight annoyance before his helmet folded back to reveal a teenage boy with long brown hair, fair skin and lavender eyes. He placed a finger to his ear. "It has been done."

" _Good job, Neji. Now, bring me my boyfriend."_

"By your word, Lady Hinata." Neji lowered his hand from his ear and grabbed the boy's arm. He undid the paralysis with a few well measured jabs and led him out of the janitor closet. He just hoped that _his_ girlfriend wouldn't discover this plot.

Tenten _hated_ the YesDear5000 with a passion.

* * *

Rachel was outside the school gate, tapping her foot impatiently. She had been waiting for like, 20 minutes by now for her dunce of a friend.

She knew it was mystery meat today, but come on! What was taking him so long?

It was then a 2x4 crafted jet zoomed through the air and stopped to hover above the parking lot. It slowly descended to the ground and parked itself. A boy with highlighted hair and an aviator jacket jumped out of it. He stuffed his hands in his jacket's pockets and walked up to Rachel. "Yo, girlie, you know Naruto, right?"

Rachel blinked and gave the boy a look over. If she was right, this was that Ace kid that Naruto was friends with and tried to get to join the KND, but claimed he did better solo.

"Yeah," she said finally. "And it's not girlie, the name's Rachel. What do you need him for?"

"Dude promised me chilidogs when he got out from the joint today after I helped him get here on time." Ace looked around and frowned. "He's usually not this late."

Rachel narrowed her eyes in thought. That was odd. Naruto usually kept his promises. It was one of the many good things his parents taught him.

"I've been waiting for him to come out of the bathroom for the past twenty minutes." When Ace gave her a raised brow, she shrugged. "It was mystery meat today."

"What? That's a ten minute problem, tops." Ace huffed.

"I know…" Rachel knitted her brow, "Usually he's got a stomach of iron."

"Well, if you see him, tell him he owes me _double_ what we agreed on." Ace said and started to walk back to his jet. He stopped and looked back at her, a small smile on his face. "And if you ever want to get a milkshake or something, just give me a call."

"Yeah...I'll try to remember that." Rachel muttered, a bit unnerved by the boy's attempt to ask her out. Seriously, what was wrong with people. They were, like, _ten_! Once Ace flew off, the slightly worried Rachel pulled out her communicator, and tapped the first name on the speed-dial list. "Come on, come on... Pick up you dunce."

" _Yo! You've reached Numbuh 9-Tails' personal communicator! Sorry, I'm probably too busy being awesome right now. Leave a message after the boom!"_

An explosion sounded a moment after the voicemail message ended.

"Naruto, it's Rachel. Call me back ASAP." Her message was brief and quick. She didn't want to flood his communicator with a ridiculous message. And Naruto usually called back when it sounded urgent. With a more prominent frown on her face, she dialed another number as her paranoia got the best of her.

"Numbuh 65.3 of the KND here, who's calling?" The portly science officer answered.

"Numbuh 65.3, it's Numbuh 362. I need you trilanglify Numbuh 9-Tails current position."

"With what?" Numbuh 65.3 asked. "He doesn't have any KND sanctioned equipment on him to track him with."

"You know what." Rachel narrowed her eyes. "Use _that_."

"Oh! Right...How could I forget about _that_?" The science officer snorted and the sound of clacking could be heard over the line. "I still don't think putting that hidden tracking chip in his tooth was sanctioned."

Rachel flushed. "It was necessary!"

"Yeah, sure, necessary…" Numbuh 65.3 scoffed. "If I didn't know any better, you were starting to sound more and more like his girlfriend instead of his partner…"

"I'm _not_ his girlfriend!" Rachel seethed, her face flushed. "I-Ugh, just find his location faster than yesterday or _you'll_ be my sparring partner for a week!"

Numbuh 65.3 gulped. "Y-Yes ma'am!"

Rachel tapped her foot impatiently and only stopped when a small hand grabbed on her sleeve. Looking down, she saw Kanon smiling up at her.

"Hi Rachel! Do you want a ride home with me and Kurama and Mommy?" The girl asked while she hugged the prideful red fox to her chest. "We're going to go watch the new episode of Daddy's TV show!"

Rachel smiled apologetically and patted the girl on the head.

"Sorry, Kanon, but me and Naruto have some KND business to attend to. We'll hang out after we're done, okay?"

"Aw, okay…" Kanon frowned slightly and looked around. "Where's my big brother?"

"That is an excellent question, sweetie."

Rachel looked up as Kushina approached the two girls with a small smile on her face. The mother of two looked radiant and like she meant business, since she was dressed in a charcoal business pantsuit. Kushina pinned Rachel in place with a smile that promised anything but sweets.

"Rachel, dear," she began. "Where's Naruto? He isn't off doing something silly like preparing another prank, is he?"

"U-uh, no Miss. Kushina."

"Hmm...Today was only mystery meat day…" Kushina tapped her finger on her chin. "That's only a eight to ten minute trip to the bathroom. School ended quite some time ago. I wonder where he could be."

"...Hey, Numbuh 362, are you still there?" Numbuh 65.3's voice was a godsend at the moment. Rachel quickly sent Kushina a small smile and held a finger up before she placed the communicator against her ear.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here Numbuh 65.3. What do you have?" she asked eagerly. The sooner she had an answer for Naruto's mom, the better. For both of them.

"Ehh...Well, good news is the device is still in place, I got a signal for a second."

"...And the bad news?" Rachel asked quietly, trembling as the air started to warm up.

"Uh, well, um, the signal is...being jammed."

"...Numbuh 65.3."

"Eh, yeah, Numbuh 362?"

"If you don't hear from me in two days, it was Kushina Uzumaki."

"Wha-?" Numbuh 65.3 was cut off as the adult's hand reached over and crushed the communicator in Rachel's hand. The blonde girl turned around and trembled under Kushina's gaze. Her best friend's mother's hair was parted into nine thick strands and her purple eyes had been replaced with glowing white orbs.

"Rachel~!" Kushina sang out menacingly. "Where's my son?"

"Uh, er, uh, well, um…" Rachel laughed nervously and poked her fingers together. "I, um, I don't know…"

"... _You_ don't know?" Kushina asked, her eyes narrowed.

Rachel squeaked.

"Mommy! I wanna go home and watch Daddy's Rainbow Monkey show!"

 _Kanon, you are_ so _getting a bajillion Rainbow Monkey toys for your birthday_. Rachel thought in relief as Kushina turned and smiled at her pouting daughter.

"I know sweetie, but your big brother is playing a long game of hide and seek," Kushina said sweetly. "Mommy has to find him and _punish_ him for not asking if she wants to play too."

"Hide and seek?" Kanon blinked and then held up Kurama under the fox's forelegs. "Just have Kurama find him! Kurama _always_ finds big brother!"

The fox barked once while Kushina and Rachel stared at it. The redheaded mother smiled and patted her daughter on the head.

"There's my smart girl! Rachel," Kushina said as she turned to the KND operative. "Why don't you take Kurama and _find_ Naruto. I'll join you as soon as I get a babysitter to watch Kanon."

"Y-Yeah, sure." Rachel took the fox and, after giving Kanon a big farewell/thank you for saving me hug, bid the two Uzumaki women goodbye. She set Kurama on the ground and pulled out one of the few notes/prank plans Naruto passed to her during class.

"Find Naruto."

Kurama sniffed the paper, the air, and then dashed off down the street with Rachel hot on his heels.

* * *

Hinata's eyes brimmed with happiness as she snuggled next to _her_ boyfriend on her family's couch while she watched the television show Rainbow Monkey Island. Everything was going according to her plan. With the help of her teenage ninja cousin, Neji, and a small dip into her allowance for the next few months, Naruto Uzumaki was all hers! Hers and hers alone!

 _Take that, McKenzie! You lost!_

"Hinata, you're so pretty and smart and perfect." Naruto said with a dopey look on his face.

Turning the dial on the remote, Hinata asked sweetly, "And who do you HATE the most?"

"That ugly, rude, and boyish Rachel T. McKenzie, of course!" Naruto snorted as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hinata giggled in glee. The YesDear 5000 was perfect! She definitely used her allowance wisely. And soon, it would be permanent and Naruto will forever be hers.

Hinata, giving Naruto her best doe eyes leaned close, and whispered her command. "Kiss me, Naruto."

As far as she knew, Naruto had never kissed a girl before. Such a prize was only worthy of her!

 _Taking Naruto's first kiss will seal my victory!_ Hinata mentally cackled like a crazed villain while she smiled.

"Of course, sweetie cakes!" Naruto said and leaned in with puckered lips.

Just as Hinata was going to taste those sweet ramen covered lips, an explosion echoed outside, knocking the kids off the loveseat they were sitting on. Hinata, her eyes alit with fire and snarled as she pulled out her phone.

"What happened?" She demanded of the guards. Her perfect moment was ruined! She must know why. NOW!

"The main gate was destroyed, Lady Hinata!"

The girl frowned, who would be dumb enough to attack-?

" _McKenzie…_ " Darn that girl to the most painful of ice cream headaches! She had to ruin everything! Hinata's eyes burned with fury and she shouted into the receiver. "I want the interloper stopped at all cost! Give your lives for this cause!"

"Of course, Lady Hina-ah! No, stop!" The man's voice cried out which was followed by a thud. Heavy footsteps followed and the phone was picked up.

"Hello, _Hyuuga._ "

Hinata narrowed her eyes at the voice and grit her teeth. "You're too late Rachel. I've won."

"Ha! The Kids Next Door never give up, especially against crazy girls like _you_."

Something inside the wealthy girl snapped. "I am _not_ crazy!"

"Loco! Loco! Everyone on board the Hinata Loco Hyuuga Express~!"

"I'll turn you black and blue! And then kiss Naruto in front of you while you're in the dungeon! And than I'll tape our kissing sessions and make you watch them for the rest of your days you, big stupid face!"

"...Oh, I've been waiting a _long_ time for this."

"Bring it on." Hinata glared at the phone and crushed it in her grasp. She paused to pout, "Oh pooh, now Daddy has to buy me a new one."

"What is it my love?" Naruto asked as he massaged her shoulders and made her feel like jelly.

"Oh nothing, just an obstacle in the way of our love."

Naruto gasped. "No!"

An evil smile crossed Hinata's face. "Oh yes, and there's something you can do about it."

"I'll do anything for you, my beautiful lotus blossom!"

Hinata's smile could rival that of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane.

"Excellent."

* * *

Rachel, armed with a S.P. L.A.N.K.E.R. in hand, had it swat another armed guard in the face as she flipped and kicked another in the stomach. She had taken down at least two dozen of the guards already and none of them were being _cooperative_.

She reached down and grabbed the nearest adult by his tie. She pulled him up to her face, bared her teeth and growled like a tigress at the whimpering man. "Where. Is. Naruto?"

"I-I-I-!"

Rachel slapped him. "English! Do I look like a fifth grader to you?"

"Lady Hinata's room!"

Rachel's brow furrowed. You don't just invite boys into your room like that. What would you do with a boy anyway?

A moment passed and Rachel blanched.

 _Is she...Kissing him? Eww..._

"Where is it?" Rachel demanded, shaking the adult furiously.

"U-Up the stairs! F-first door on the left!" he stammered out as Rachel stopped shaking him.

"Thanks." The blond smiled and raised her S.P. L.A.N.K.E.R. to his face. "Night night~!"

A loud smack echoed in the silent hall as a wooden plank collided with the adult's face. Rachel released the adult's tie and let him drop to the ground with a thump before she raced up the stairs. She turned right and went for the door with her hand outstretched, prepared to grab the doorknob.

Only for the door fly open and slam into her face. The blow knocked her into the adjacent wall with a thud.

"Ow!" Rachel winced, rubbing the back of her head and opened her eyes to see Naruto wearing what had to be the stupidest helmet ever. "Naruto?"

"You!" Naruto pointed an angry finger at her, "How dare you get in the way of my lovely princess!"

"...You have to be kidding me!" Rachel shouted as she got up to her feet. "Naruto, you hardly even know Hinata! You're not even really dating!"

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Rachel's brown eyes darted over to where the playful voice came from. Her eyes blazed when they landed on Hinata, who held a bag of popcorn in her hands while she sat on the couch, like she was about to watch a movie.

"You. Shut up."

Possibly the most flawless comeback from one ten-year-old to another.

"Why don't you make me? Oh, that's right, you can't!" Hinata held a hand to her mouth and let out a lady-like laugh that made her sound like a dying dog.

"RAWR!" Rachel roared and launched herself at the spoiled little rich girl, only for Naruto to block her path with a kick. Rachel dropped her weapon and crossed her arms to guard against the blow that sent her skidding across the ground. Her face twisted into a wince.

"Miss Kushina trained you too much." Rachel mumbled as she rubbed her stinging arms. They were going to turn black and blue, that was for sure. Naruto snarled like a rabid beast, spittle included, and stomped on her weapon. The S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. shattered under his foot. Rachel assumed a fighting stance and took in a deep breath.

"That's fine with me," she said. "I'm better with close-quarter-combat, anyways."

"Not against him." Hinata sang.

Rachel bit back a snarl. Her eyes narrowed as they locked on the smug girl. "No one asked the peanut gallery!"

A peanut was tossed at the blonde's head. Rachel's eye twitched.

"Oh, I am _so_ going to kick your butt, later!"

Naruto launched himself at Rachel with another snarl. He went for a clothesline, which forced Rachel to duck and twist her body to kick his shin. Naruto flipped out of the way expertly and, with a single-handed handspring, landed on his feet at the other end of the hall.

Rachel knew Naruto had her when it came to CQC, but if there was one thing that she was, it was being sneaky. Though Naruto was sneaky as well, he was more along the lines of crazy sneaky; that is to say, Naruto preferred to have created some chaos to cover his actions while Rachel was more along the lines of the ordinary, talented sneaky. So, she decided to do something a little underhanded to give herself a bit of an edge.

"Oh my gosh!" Rachel cried out as she pointed behind Naruto. "Kanon was pushed down by a bully and she's scuffed her knee!"

Naruto turned in the direction that Rachel pointed, eyes red with rage as he prepared to deal swift justice to the one that dared harm his sister. Once his back was turned, Rachel made her move. She crossed the distance between them with a leap and snapped her leg out.

"Hiya!" She cried out as she kicked him square in the back. The blow sent him tumbling across the ground and into Hinata's closet with a crash.

"What?!" The Hyuuga girl gasped. She frowned in thought. "But, he shouldn't care about something as trivial as that! He should only care about me!"

Rachel let out a mocking laugh. "Puh-Leze. Naruto's love for his baby sister transcends everything! Even that boyfriend helmet. But, that's not all!"

Naruto shot out of the closet, a tutu around his waist, and growled at his opponent. He leapt into the air and prepared a kick aimed right at Rachel's head.

"Mr. Minato is showing all the neighbors your baby pictures!" Rachel called out. "The naked ones!"

Naruto flew over Rachel and landed on his knee. He let out a pained cry before he looked around frantically.

"Dad! _No_!" Naruto grabbed at the helmet in anguish. "Must fight for, Hinata! But Dad is being... but Hinata - but-but-but _Kanon_!"

"Naruto, I told you to get rid of her!" Hinata ordered while she stood up and stomped her feet. She lifted up the remote and turned the knob to the maximum power setting. The lights on the YesDear 5000 began to flash erratically and smoke started to rise from the sides of Naruto's head as the helmet slowly began to fuse with his skull.

While this was going on, Naruto looked like he was going rabid and his whisker marks didn't help with the imagery. Before she could even think about what he would do, the blond punched Rachel in the gut, sending her flying and followed up with kick that sent her into a bust of Hinata. Rachel groaned as she sat up, the face of the bust landing on her head.

"Ow!" Rachel winced, holding the object in her hand and glared at the 'innocent' look on the bust's face. She tossed it to the side, where it landed in a shatter, and stood up, all the while staring into Naruto's crazy eyes. "I'm warning you, Naruto, stop! Now!"

"Attack! Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack!" Hinata demanded while she jumped up and down like a whiny brat. Naruto was on all fours as he stalked towards Rachel.

The blonde sighed with a sad look on her face. "I hate to do this to you buddy, but I warned you."

Just as Naruto was going to leap at her like a tree frog, Rachel's words halted him.

"Miss Kushina said if you don't go home right now you can never _ever_ have ramen again."

Naruto recoiled from Rachel as though she'd burned him. His skin was as pale as a sheet of paper. His knees knocked together as he trembled.

"No...Ramen?" He whispered, shocked.

Rachel gave him a firm nod. "Yes."

The blonde boy fell to his knees, his hands curled into fists and looked up at the ceiling, anguish written on his features. It was as if he'd been told that the KND had no purpose.

" _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_!"

Naruto's shout echoed across the city and was faintly heard in the next county. A few people got into arguments the next day over watching bad movies late at night with the television turned up too much. A couple of kids wondered if one rainbow monkey fan took the island departure episode a bit too hard.

Once his scream of anguish had finished, Rachel punched him square in the face. His head snapped back and Naruto hit the ground with a thud. With Naruto out cold, victory rushed through Rachel's exhausted body like nothing else. She smiled at one of her rare wins over Naruto. It was underhanded, unorthodox, and extremely unpredictable.

Had he been in his right state of mind, Naruto would've been proud of her.

Before any real victory could be held, Rachel was struck in the arm multiple times and her limb went limp.

"What?" She gasped and a palm strike struck her in her stomach. The blow sent the KND operative tumbling in pain. Once she finished tumbling, Rachel looked up to see Hinata standing across from her with fury written on her features. Rachel struggled to get on her feet and scowled at the girl. "Oh, you dirty rotten cheater!"

"All's fair in the war that is love!" Hinata declared firmly as she fell into a martial arts stance. She glared at Rachel with crazy eyes. "And you have no place in my perfect lovey dovey life with _my_ boyfriend!"

She moved to attack, but Rachel dodged at the last second and stomped on her foot. When it was a combat boot versus a ballet slipper, the combat boot won every time.

"Ow, ow ow!" Hinata cried out, jumping up and down on one foot while she held the other. She glared at Rachel as she gingerly put the throbbing appendage down. "You'll pay for that, McKenzie!"

"Oh, did I break your nail? Get over it you big baby!" Rachel mocked, but knew she was on her last leg. That fight with Naruto took a lot out of her. And all those armed guards, even if they were still just grunts, were still twice her size and outnumbered her ten to one. Absently, Rachel wondered where Kurama had disappeared to. The little fox had vanished once Rachel burst into the Hyuuga estate.

Hinata's eyes glared at Rachel like a furious cat. She hissed and attacked once more. The blonde operative couldn't move in time.

"Ahh!" Rachel screamed out as she landed flat on her back from the palm strike to her chest. A groan escaped her mouth and her vision became blurry. Hinata strutted over to Rachel and let out a crazed giggle.

"See, McKenzie? I win and _you_ lose! So just do yourself a favor and stay down." She mocked and moved over to the waking Naruto's side.

Rachel clawed at the ground and forced herself up on her elbows. She hissed in pain and shook her head, the spots in her eyes were slowly but surely clearing away. And it picked the absolute worst time to do so.

Hinata's dainty little hands cupped both sides of Naruto's face and she puckered her lips. Slowly, she leaned in to make contact. Rachel's eyes widened.

"Hyuuga, don't you dare!"

It was then a black blur moved to where Hinata and Naruto were. Hinata was sent flying back as Naruto's Boyfriend Helmet was shattered into pieces by a sudden and quick blow, which knocked the poor blond boy to the ground. When the smoke cleared, Rachel could make out an adult's form. The adult was a man with long brown hair and a black bodyguard suit with lavender eyes.

"Uncle?!" Hinata exclaimed as she got back to her feet. "Why did you ruin my perfect moment with my beloved!"

It was then an identical man walked forward in more formal wear, his hands behind his back, his visage stern.

"Daddy!" Hinata squeaked and looked around for a distraction of some sort. Finally, her eyes fell on the stunned Rachel. She pointed a finger at the girl. "Daddy! This-this _girl_ broke into our house before she attacked me and my boyfriend! I demand that you kick her off of the premises."

Her father frowned. "Hinata, you _cannot_ date this _boy_."

Those six words made the room deathly silent. Aside from Naruto's groans, you could've heard a pin drop. Hinata faltered for words, her mouth moved like that of a fish out of water. Then, once she regained her senses, she snapped.

"WHAT?!" The girl stomped her foot and glared at her father. "Why not!?"

It was then Kushina entered the destroyed room, a smug-looking Kurama resting in her arms and preening under the redheaded woman's attention. Hinata gasped and looked over herself. Ruffled clothes, a few specks of dirt and evidence of grime...She was a mess! How was she supposed to butter up to her future mother-in-law like this?!

"Mrs. Uzumaki," Hinata began as she frantically tried to clean her dress. "Why, hello! I'm-"

"You, be quiet." Kushina ordered and Hinata zipped her lip at the hard look the mother of her beloved sent her way.

The princess' mind raced for an explanation behind it. Was it the state of her home? No, that was the fault of _McKenzie_. Oh no, it had to be her current state of disarray! She needed a change of clothes and a moist towelette! Now!

Before any demand or request for a moment to herself could be made, the woman said five simple words that shattered Hinata's plans for the evening.

"Stay away from my son."

Hinata fell to her knees in shock, her eyes wide as her lips trembled. S-She didn't have Naruto's mother's approval? Why? Her clothes were of the finest quality. Her style was kept up to date by a personal link to the world of fashion. Was it the bowl of popcorn?!

 _Dear god,_ Hinata's eyes dilated. _Do I have a kernel stuck between my teeth?!_

Her mind overloaded with worries, concerns and the revelation, a reboot initiated itself. Hinata collapsed into a heap on the floor, twitching occasionally. Her father merely observed this with a quirked brow and looked to his twin brother.

Hizashi shrugged.

"I have a son. This is _your_ problem, brother."

Once she let Kurama down to go wake her son, Kushina walked over to Rachel and helped her up to her feet.

"Thank you, Miss Kushina." Rachel said softly. Her eyes were down, locked on the floor, while she thought about her loss to possibly the most spoiled girl in the school...aside from the two who were apart of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane. Sure, she was tired and all, but that felt like a hollow excuse to the KND operative.

Rachel looked up when Kushina began to rub her shoulder soothingly.

"It's okay." the older woman winked. "I know I'm amazingly super fantastically strong-"

 _And modest._ Rachel thought dryly.

"-But even I lost a few times when I was your age." Kushina told her son's best friend. She smiled and gave Rachel a firm pat on the shoulder. "You still have room to improve yourself, that's what every loss should tell you. In fact, what say you join me, Naruto, and Kanon next time we train?"

That certainly perked Rachel up and she smiled widely. "Yeah, that sounds great!"

Kushina smiled, inwardly cackling. The poor girl didn't even know what she just signed herself up for.

Oh well, she'll learn the hard way.

Kurama barked happily when Naruto began to stir. The blond pushed the excitable fox off of his chest and rubbed his head as he sat up. He groaned.

"Oh, man...what happened?" Naruto asked. He blinked and looked up at Rachel. "And why does my head feel like it just had been used like a basketball?"

Rachel laughed before she limped over to him and gently punched his arm. "About time you got back, you dunce. I seriously had to kick your butt like five minutes ago."

" _You_? Kick _my_ butt?" Naruto snorted in disbelief. "Okay, yeah. Sure you did, Rache."

"I _did_!"

"Yeah, you kicked my butt, and instant ramen is finally instant!" Naruto paused as a shiver raced down his spine. He looked around curiously. "Where are we? And why are there little pieces of metal around me?" Naruto licked his lips and frowned. "...And why do I smell copper?"

"No reason." Rachel said quickly. Kushina marched over to Naruto and punched him square in the crown.

"Ow!" The blond boy cried out. He held his head and glowered at his mother. "Mom, my head hurts! Don't hit me!"

Kushina flicked him in the nose, which made the boy yelp and grab the abused part of his face. "I can't believe you let yourself fall victim to one of those stupid boyfriend helmets!"

"Wait, what?!" Naruto asked in alarm. Kushina wasn't about to elaborate and grabbed him by the ear.

"I thought I taught you better than that! When we get home, you are going through drill Number 3892!"

Naruto escaped his mother's grasp and fled to cower behind his best friend's back, whimpering like a kicked puppy.

Rachel shook her head at his antics and picked Kurama up off the ground. While the redheaded woman escorted the two kids to her van, scolding Naruto all the way, the girl could only smile.

 _Naruto, never change._

* * *

 **And there's our first original mission. Hope you all enjoyed it!**

 **REVIEW!**


	5. FRANCINE

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: F. R. A. N. C. I. N. E.**

 **Fiery**

 **Redheaded**

 **Agent**

 **Nearly**

 **Catches**

 **Infiltrator**

 **Not**

 **Enemy**

* * *

Naruto frowned as he and Rachel walked around the Moonbase, discussing Rachel's next ultra big super-secret spy mission.

"I don't like this." He told his friend. "I mean, this is the Delightful Dorks' mansion we're talking about. Aka, _Father_ 's mansion."

Rachel snorted. "It's not going to be _that_ hard. I'll be in and out, easy as eating a slice of birthday cake."

Rolling his eyes, Naruto countered with, "Yeah, if it was as easy as the Delightful Nimrods' birthday cake, Sector V would have gotten done that by now."

"You seem to be really hard on them lately." The girl pointed out as they entered the tactical gear room so Rachel could prep for her mission. Naruto's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nigel ticked me off with his stupid rumor." The blonde grumbled.

"...The one about you liking Numbuh 5?" Rachel said, her lips forming a thin line. She was about as pleased with the rumor as her friend was.

"Yes!" Naruto threw his arms in the air with a frustrated groan. "It's so stupid! Abby's just an old friend!"

"I know." Rachel nodded. She fixed her friend with a small look. "Why did you guys stop hanging out again?"

"It's personal."

"Riiight." Rachel drawled. Before she could press the issue any further, Naruto's communicator began to ring.

He opened it for the both of them to see that Numbuh 274 was on the screen.

"Numbuh 9-Tails, Numbuh 362." The KND Supreme Leader nodded at them.

"Numbuh 274, Sir!" Both snapped a salute to him.

"Numbuh 9-Tails, I need to see you in my office. Something's come up. Numbuh 362, good luck on your mission."

"Thank you, sir!"

"Be right there Boss." Naruto nodded and ended the transmission before he put a hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Like Boss said, be careful, Rache."

Rachel rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Better not keep Numbuh 274 waiting."

"It's not like he's turning thirteen tomorrow!" Naruto shot back as he walked out of the room.

* * *

"What!?" A freckled girl slammed her hands onto Numbuh 274's desk. The girl wore a green turtleneck and an orange skirt with brown boots on her feet. A helmet that concealed her red hair was branded with the number eighty-six. Her eyes were like miniature fireballs, but that was because she was so filled with rage. "What do ya mean I got to take that-that-that _stoopid_ blond menace with me?! This is a decommissioning mission! _My_ area of expertise! It's not one of Numbuh 362's spy ops!"

"Numbuh 206 was a part of the espionage team, which is Numbuh 362 and Numbuh 9-Tails' specialities. Numbuh 9-Tails in particular has worked with Numbuh 206 many times, so he's familiar with his disguises and tricks." Numbuh 274 explained calmly, unfazed by the girl's wrath. He placed a finger on each hand and pushed them off his desk. "And go easy on my desk. It's new."

"Oh." Numbuh 86 blinked and stepped away, her hands folded behind her as she laughed sheepishly. "Sorry, sir."

"Don't sweat it." Numbuh 274 waved her off and looked over when the door opened. He nodded when Numbuh 9-Tails entered. "Thanks for coming so fast, Numbuh 9-Tails."

"No problem, Boss," Numbuh 9-Tails said with a shrug. He smiled at the other operative, whose eyes narrowed on him. "Hey Fanny."

"That's Numbuh 86, Numbuh 9-Tails!" The ginger snapped on reflex with how often her equal in rank used her real name to mess with her.

"Naruto, play nice." Numbuh 274 casually scolded.

"Whatever you say, Boss." Numbuh 9-Tails leaned against the wall, a carefree smile on his face.

Numbuh 86 crossed her arms over her chest and grumbled while she glared at Numbuh 9-Tails. She and him were in the same Kids Next Door Graduate class, but due to his crazy mother's training, he quickly advanced through the structural hierarchy and earned the attention of the then Drill Sergeant Numbuh 274. Were it not for Numbuh 86 and Numbuh 362's friendship, Numbuh 86 was sure that she wouldn't have gotten to know Numbuh 9-Tails as well as she did. Sometimes, she wished it were the case. It would've saved her a lot of scarring from some of his - insert shudder here - pranks.

"Both of you are joining up with Sector V to investigate the crash sight and capture Numbuh 206 for decom. Understood?" The red armored leader asked. Both operatives saluted.

"Understood, sir!"

"Yipper speed to you both."

* * *

A good fifteen minutes later, they were closing in on the location of the crashed transport. For the fifth time since they left the KND's Supreme Leader's office, Numbuh 86 turned to Numbuh 9-Tails with a massive frown on her face.

"Just so you know, this is a decommissioning mission, so that means that _I'm_ the one in charge. Don't go hoggin it, Numbuh 9-Tails."

"Relax, Fanny." Numbuh 9-Tails rolled his eyes. "I'm not here to steal your thunder. I'm just helping out since I got the mad tracking skills. We're the same rank, so let's try to be civil."

Numbuh 86 flustered. "Don't. Call. Me. That."

"Don't call you what?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked while he tried to keep a smile from spreading across his face.

"You _know_ what!" Numbuh 86 ground her teeth together.

"Oh, do you mean 'Fanny'?"

"No, I meant France-Of course I meant that, yewe ijiot!"

"Can I call you 'Francine'?"

"ABSO-POSITI-FINITIVELY NOT!"

"How's about Fran?" Numbuh 9-Tails grinned and ducked away from Numbuh 86's swings. "Hey, c'mon, I'm trying to fly!"

"Then call me Numbuh 86! Especially while we're on an op, you dunderhead!"

"Oh great." Numbuh 9-Tails pouted. "You've been spending time with Numbuh 362 again."

"No, you're just a dunderhead, you dunderhead." Numbuh 86 turned back to the console with a huff. "I don't know why she sings so much praise about you. You're just another stoopid boy."

Numbuh 9-Tails rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Listen, Fa-Numbuh 86. How about if we work together well-or I mean, if you don't yell at me _all_ the time on this mission, I'll get you something from my dad's office."

"...Such as?"

"A frame shot from one of the Rainbow Monkey Island's lost ultra rare potential pilot episode. A copy, of course, not the real thing."

Numbuh 86 cursed the fact that Numbuh 9-Tails knew about her secret love of all things Rainbow Monkey's. It was bound to happen. Numbuh 9-Tails was an expert at gathering intelligence, and it saved many a Kids Next Door before, but unfortunately for Numbuh 86, the blonde could also find your dirtiest gym shorts and leave them out hanging for all to see.

"...Deal." Numbuh 86 caved, it was too good to pass up the genius that was Minato Namikaze-Uzumaki.

Numbuh 9-Tails smiled. He knew she'd see it his way.

"There, that's the spot!" Numbuh 86 pointed at the upcoming beach.

"What gave it away? The crashed ship?"

"Shut up and land, you dimwit."

"...Well, at least you're not yelling." Numbuh 9-Tails mumbled. As he landed their ship on the beach of the crash site, the KND operative looked out the window and stared dryly at the scene before him. The members of Sector V, besides Numbuh 1, were out and about like it was a vacation while in swimwear.

Numbuhs 2 and 4 were frolicking in the shallow water, right next to the wreckage; Numbuh 5 looked like she was going to lounge in a beach chair; and Numbuh 3 was building a sand castle.

"And Nigel _seriously_ wonders why Sector V is considered a joke?" Numbuh 9-Tails muttered to himself. Did they even think to check for the pilots in the wreckage?

From the look on Numbuh 86's face, she seemed to agree with his question. The both hopped out of the ship to hearing the Sector V leader hollering something at his team.

"Oh, hey! I've got an idea!" Numbuh 1 exclaimed. "Let's _completely_ forget about investigating this _stupid_ crash and go frolicking in the ocean instead! Whoo!" He said in a mocking tone as both high ranked operatives stood behind him with raised eyebrows. "Maybe afterwards we can get some yummy funnel cake and pizza on the boardwalk!"

"WHOT!" Numbuh 86 snapped, which earned the whole sector's attention. "Funnel cakes and pizzahs?"

Numbuh 1 turned around, his skin paling. "N-Numbuh 86! No, sir, I-I mean, ma'am, sir, I-I-I thought-!"

Numbuh 86 poked Numbuh 1's bald head. "Thinkin' is whot you boys _never_ do." Numbuh 9-Tails snorted in clear disagreement, but did nothing to stop the head of decommissioning from ranting at the team leader. "You're just like my ijiot brother, always goofin off. We've got a thirteen year old operative whose scheduled for decommissioning on the run!" She got right into the bald kid's face. "So, what are you idiots waitin around for!"

"Don't you have _two_ brothers?" Numbuh 9-Tails pointed out. Numbuh 86 turned to give him a light glare.

"Paddy joined up with the KND, so at least he's doing _somethin_ productive. Now shush up, we got a crash to investigate!" She glared at Numbuhs 2 and 4. "What are you ninnies waitin for? An invitation?"

"Er, right, yeah, sorry!" Numbuhs 2 and 4 rushed through the water to the wreckage. Numbuh 9-Tails clapped a hand over his face.

 _Why does Numbuh 274 keep them active? Why?_ He thought to himself.

The Irish girl groaned into her hand and turned to the more competent girl of the bunch. "Numbuh 5, will you give these two wimps a hand?"

The girl grumbled as she got up and folded her chair, "On it, chief!"

Numbuh 86 looked at Numbuh 3, who blinked before she smiled and pulled out a tube. "I brought sunblock!"

Numbuh 1 palmed himself in the face.

"Good thinkin Numbuh 3!" she glanced at the sector leader, "At least someone is usin their brain around here."

"To be fair, she probably didn't bring enough for Numbuh 1's head." Numbuh 9-Tails pointed out with a smirk. Numbuh 86 snorted while the leader of Sector V glared at him for the jab.

"Yo! We found the pilots!" Numbuh 5 waved her three superiors over.

"Oh my word." Numbuh 86 said and turned to Numbuh 1, "Wait here and _don't_ move a muscle."

"But I-" Numbuh 1 tried to interject.

"Not a muscle!" Numbuh 86 firmly repeated herself as she poked the team leader in the chest.

"Just like playing freeze tag, Numbuh 1." Numbuh 9-Tails whispered to Numbuh 1 with a grin as he and Numbuh 86 moved to the downed pilots.

Numbuh 86 leaned down to the girl pilot, Numbuh 58, "Are you alright?"

"We're okay chief." The girl gave her superior a weak smile.

"Yeah, nothing broken," Numbuh 59 said, "I gue-"

"I didn't ask you!" Numbuh 86 snapped at him. "I bet it's _your_ fault the prisoner escaped!"

"Hey, ease off of the guy, 86." Numbuh 9-Tails frowned as he knelt down and helped Numbuh 59 to his feet. "It's not _his_ fault. Numbuh 206 was also a 2x4 technician on the side of espionage. Shorting out a ship like this to escape would be a walk in the park for him."

"Oh? So this is _my_ fault?"

"No, I'm just saying we should have used a different method to detain him. But what's done is done." Numbuh 9-Tails shrugged. "No point crying over spilt chocolate milk."

"Man, who put a bee in her undies?" Numbuh 4 whispered to Numbuh 2.

"At least Numbuh 9-Tails around to rein her in a little." Numbuh 2 whispered back, "If not, she'd probably be hitting us by now."

"You two got somethin to say?" Numbuh 86 snapped at them, making them both shaking their head quickly.

"N-No sir, uh, Ma'am! We were just, Numbuh 4 was, I-I-I-" Numbuh 2 stammered off and began biting his nails, only for his hand to be swatted out of his mouth by a disgusted Numbuh 86.

"Stop that! Nail biting is so-o-o disgustin'! Ugh, Numbuh 362 never has to put of with this kind of stupidity."

Numbuh 86 groaned, to which Numbuh 9-Tails nodded in agreement. He kept nodding when the head of decommissioning sent a smirk his way. "Outside of Numbuh 9-Tails, o' course."

"Yep, Rach doesn't have to deal with any stupidity outside of ...Hey!" The blond glowered at 86 and then glared at the snickering pilots. "Yeah, sure, yuck it up. I _know_ I outrank both of you _and_ I'm writing up a report for Numbuh 274."

That certainly silenced Numbuhs 58 and 59. Numbuh 86 was about to ask if she was wrong, but the roaring of an engine cut her off. All the operative turned to see none other than Numbuh 206 taking the small ship that Numbuhs 86 and 9-Tails had used to come to the site.

"It's Numbuh 206!" The Decom Officer cried out as the 13-year-old escaped.

"Gotta give him some props." Numbuh 9-Tails mumbled. "The guy was cheeky enough to give us a mock salute as he left."

"He's getting away!" Numbuh 1 shouted and Numbuh 86 got right up in his face.

"Why didn't you stop him?!"

"You ordered me not to move a muscle." Numbuh 1 said dryly.

"It's called taking initiative, Numbuh 1." Numbuh 9-Tails lectured. "Maybe if you really put an effort to it and be enthusiastic about what we do, you could be a sector leader in no time."

"Oh, very funny, Numbuh 9-Tails." The Sector leader glared at the superior officer while his sector snickered and/or giggled at him. He was so doing this on purpose!

"Ugh, fine! I'll stop him myself." Numbuh 86 said as she shoved the bald boy aside and ran to Sector V's S.C.A.M.P.E.R. A moment later, she stuck her head out and shouted, "Will someone get in here and fly this piece of junk!"

"You heard her people!" Numbuh 9-Tails clapped his hands at Sector V. "Hup two, hup two!"

Sector V groaned and ran into the vessel. Each operative manned their station as Numbuhs 9-Tails and 86 flanked Numbuh 1's side.

"Turbines to speed." Numbuh 2 said, flicking a switch.

"Generators at max!" Numbuh 5 declared.

"Weapons armed." Numbuh 4 joined in as he manned the primary gun.

"Shields on!" Numbuh 3 finished up.

"Yes, yes, now all we have to do is get it up to eighty-eight miles an hour!" Numbuh 9-Tails rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Then, only the future awaits us!"

Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 5 snickered. Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 looked confused. Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 86 gave the blond espionage agent dry looks.

"Ugh, you and your bloody pop culture references! Just get this bird in the air you lot!" Numbuh 86 shouted.

"You wouldn't know a good movie series if it came up and smacked you, 86." Numbuh 9-Tails huffed.

"Wha-I _so_ would!" Numbuh 86 protested.

" _Your_ series doesn't count!" Numbuh 9-Tails blanched and crossed his arms. "The Rainbow Monkey films are _not_ timeless family films."

"They are masterpieces-!"

"Target in sight!" Numbuh 4 broke the duo from their argument. The Irish girl snarled and stormed up to the pilot, before she smacked Numbuh 2 in the arm. Numbuh 9-Tails sighed. And she was doing so well, too.

"Can't you make this hunk of junk go faster!?" Numbuh 86 asked.

"Watch me!" The portly boy grumbled and grabbed a lever. As he pulled it, the engine roared and the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. lurched in speed until they were right on Numbuh 206's tailpipe. "Alright, take 'em down!"

"Keep her steady, Numbuh 2!" Numbuh 4 said as he lined up the shot, but the 13-year-old kept bobbing and weaving out of his reticle. As they sped after the rogue operative, the Mansion of the Delightful Children From Down The Lane came into view.

"That slippery..." With narrowed eyes, Numbuh 9-Tails punched the hull of the ship. "206 better not be doing what I think he's doing!"

"He's going right for the Delightful Children's mansion!" Numbuh 86 fretted, worry all over her face. "Numbuh 206 knows all about our plans to infiltrate their headquarters with our best spy! He could compromise the entire operation!"

"Way to tell the subordinate operatives about HQ's top secret covert mission, 86!" Numbuh 9-Tails snapped at the girl. He was just as worried as she was, but that didn't excuse informing operatives of a mission that they _didn't_ need to know about. He looked over at Numbuh 4. "Take the shot, short stuff! 206's got to go down, _now_!"

"We're not locked yet!" Numbuh 4 snidely informed the superior officer.

"Doesn't matter, as long as he's down!" Numbuh 9-Tails snapped angrily at the shorter blond boy. He was in no mood for anyone's sass. ...Oh, great, now he sounds like his father. While Numbuh 9-Tails bemoaned resembling his lame girly dad in the slightest, Numbuh 86 marched over and hit the firing button, a missile fired and hit one of the fleeing ship's tail pieces.

"Ha! See? Nothin to it." Numbuh 86 said smugly.

"All I see is that tailpiece comin' right for us!" The short blond exclaimed irritably. Numbuh 86 looked owlish and then grimaced. That was going to look bad on the report.

"Everyone brace yourselves!" Numbuh 9-Tails shouted as he pressed himself against the S.C.A.M.P.E.R.'s hull.

The debris hit the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. and sent it into a tailspin towards the ground, where it exploded upon impact. It was a good thing all of the KND operatives ejected when Numbuh 2 notified them that their stabilizers were shot. As they gently floated to the ground via parachutes, Numbuh 86 was giving the members of Sector V a piece of her mind.

"Of all the stoopid things, in the stoopid world, of the stoopid people acting stoopid, you boys are the stoopidlious! It's like you're trying to win a stoopid contest but you're too stoopid to take a stoopid test!"

"...Are you done?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked once he touched down beside her, his arms crossed and a single brow raised in amusement.

"Don't git me started, Numbuh 9-Tails!" Numbuh 86 turned to the girls. "Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 3, we, along with Numbuh 9-Tails, will track Numbuh 206 on foot."

She motioned for them to follow her as she headed towards the mansion, only to be stopped by Numbuh 1.

"Hey! What about us?" He gestured to himself and the two other boys.

"What _about_ you?" Numbuh 86 snidely asked. She looked around the area before she spotted what would be the greatest insult to bestow upon them. "Why don't you three try guardin _that_ dandelion from any adult attacks? _If_ you think you can handle it."

"But-!"

"In fact, Numbuh 1, _you_ have to keep a close eye on this." Numbuh 9-Tails placed a snail he'd picked up off of the ground on the sector leader's bald head. Along with Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4, Numbuh 9-Tails could hardly contain his amusement, barely keeping his laughter in and only managing a smile. "It's of vital importance."

"...I loath you." Numbuh 1 grit out.

"Payback is like brain freeze, _Nigie_." Numbuh 9-Tails grinned wickedly, along with Numbuh 86 who looked ready to bust her gut. Numbuh 3 stuck her tongue out in disgust while Numbuh 5 pinched her nose and shook her head.

"...Numbuh 5 thinks you got some problems with Numbuh 1, Numbuh 9-Tails."

"Wha-? What ever gave you that idea, Numbuh 5?" Numbuh 9-Tails grinned and pulled out a S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. from his bag. "C'mon, we've got a teenager to catch."

While the four began their pursuit of the elusive operative, Numbuh 1 plucked the snail off of his head and gagged at the slime trail that went from the small creature to his cranium. Numbuh 2 stifled a snicker and turned around to whistle innocently when his sector leader glared at him.

"I'd like to see some adult get their hands on that flower while we're around, eh, guys?" Numbuh 4 asked. Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 2 gave him dry looks that he was oblivious to because the combat specialist was focusing on doing moves he'd seen in action films. After a moment, Numbuh 4 turned and pointed at the snail. "So, whatcha reckon it's name is?"

"Shut up, Numbuh 4."

* * *

"There he is." Numbuh 86 whispered as they gathered on a small hill overlooking the mansion. She pointed at Numbuh 206 just as he slipped into the mansion through a large window. Numbuh 9-Tails narrowed his eyes in thought. Numbuh 206 always wore burgundy accents with his spy gear, not purple...weird. Ignorant of the thoughts that were going through the mind of espionage agent on her left, Numbuh 86 nodded at the girls on her right. "Let's go."

All four operatives slipped in through the same window. They gave each other concerned looks when they realized that the Delightful Manor was eriely quiet.

"We better split up," Numbuh 86 said as she took off her helmet, "Numbuh 3, you take the left, Numbuh 5, you take the right. Numbuh 9-Tails, you're with me."

Before they split up, Numbuh 9-Tails glared at the two girls. "If any rumors start, I'll know who started them."

"Yeah, yeah. Go on, _lover boy_ ," Numbuh 5 said teasingly before she disappeared around the corner, snickering to herself. Numbuh 3 giggled and ran down her assigned hallway, singing a nonsensical song under her breath.

"Ugh, she can be such a-!" Numbuh 9-Tails griped as he and Numbuh 86 ascended the staircase.

"What is with you two anyway?" Numbuh 86 asked. She had also heard the rumors that had run rampant through Gallagher Elementary over the past few days. She grimaced and gave him a disgusted look. "You don't really have a cru-?"

"86, I _still_ outrank you, even only slightly. I can make your life suck. Keep that in mind." Numbuh 9-Tails warned lowly. "If you must know, we were kind of close before I went into train-"

"Freeze Numbuh 206!" Numbuh 86 cut him off and pointed her mustard gun forward as the espionage operative crossed the intersection in front of them. The weapon was kicked from her hand effortlessly by a reverse kick and followed up by a snap kick aimed at Numbuh 86's head. Numbuh 86 dodged the attack and went for a grapple, only to be tripped up by a low sweep.

 _Wait a sec... That was one of Mom's moves!_ Naruto thought as only one other person, okay, _two_ other people knew that move besides himself. He immediately paled and lowered his weapon. "Oh no…"

Numbuh 86 dodged punch and dropped into a low kick that swept Numbuh 206 off his feet. With the teenager down, Numbuh 86 made a break for her mustard gun. She dove and scooped it into her hands. A quick flip back to her knees and she had the unarmed rogue operative in her sights, forcing him to hold up his hands. "Nice try, _teenager_. But I guess we know which of us is the better operative, eh?"

"Uh, Numbuh 86, that's not-" Numbuh 9-Tails tried to warn her.

"Not now, Numbuh 9-Tails. We got our 'lil rogue chick, time return him to the nest."

"No, that's not what I meant-"

Numbuh 9-Tails was cut off again when he bathroom door opened. He and Numbuh 86 took aim at the steaming entryway and their guards raised when who else but the Delightful Children From Down The Lane came out, each in their own, personalized bathrobes.

 _Is that a jar of nail clippings?!_ Numbuh 9-Tails wondered when he saw one of the Delightful Children hide something behind his back. The KND operative gave the five kids a disgusted look while he and 86 aimed their weapons at them. _Who does that? I mean, seriously, who even does that?!_

"Freeze!" The female operative shouted at them.

"What is the meaning of this?" The evil children asked as one. The action made Numbuh 9-Tails shiver. The way they did that _perfectly_ was always _so_ creepy!

"Put your hands where I can see them." Numbuh 86 ordered as Numbuh 9-Tails looked at Numbuh 206, who was glaring at him.

 _That looks a lot like the glare that I get from Mom and ...Oh,_ crud. Numbuh 9-Tails grimaced. He was never going to hear the end of this.

"I ain't gonna ask you again! Hands in the air!" Numbuh 86 ordered as the Delightful Children stammered. They did so after a moment of hesitation, but one of the five symbiotic children, the blond boy, pulled out a jar from behind his back.

"W-W-What is that?" Numbuh 86 asked, her voice going a pitch higher at the sight.

"They're, um, they're toenails." The Delightful Children explained in slight embarrassment.

"T-T-Toenails?!" Numbuh 86 shrieked as her skin paled.

"Oh, great." Numbuh 9-Tails and 'Numbuh 206' grumbled together.

"We've been saving them." The five freaks smiled gently as they looked at their jar. "It's one of our many hobbies."

"You _what_?!" Numbuh 86 seemed to be going through a gross out, "That's so-o-o disgusting!"

"No it's not!" The Delightful Children argued, before they smiled and advanced towards the girl, "It's like, a hobby."

"Back off!" Numbuh 9-Tails warned with his S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. raised. "Or you'll get a paddle in the face! Er...Each face will get a paddling!" Numbuh 9-Tails blinked and frowned. "Note to self: Find out if the Delightful Dorks feel each other's pain."

Numbuh 86 backed away in fright and 'Numbuh 206' took advantage of the girl falling victim to her borderline phobia. The 'teenager' kicked Numbuh 86 right into the Delightful Children, which caused the five to throw their jar into the air. The jar arced magnificently before it crashed on the ground and sent its contents flying all over. Numbuh 9-Tails jumped back to avoid the splash zone.

Unfortunately...

"NOOOOO!" Numbuh 86 screamed as she began to run around in circles, covered head to toe in the collection of dead cells. "Ah, no no no! Get em off! Get em off!"

Numbuh 86 wasn't as lucky.

"86, calm down!" Numbuh 9-Tails told her, but the girl was too far lost in her disgust to even hear him.

"Numbuh 86, where are you!" Numbuh 3 called out.

"This way!" Numbuh 5 said as they came onto the scene with 'Numbuh 206' gone.

"Eww!" "Oh that's nasty!" The members of Sector V showed their disgust by sticking their tongues out and blanching at the sight. Numbuh 86 was in the fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest while she rocked back and forth.

"T-T-T-Toenails...oh, nails... gross gross gross."

"Don't just stand there!" The Delghtful Children barked from their place on their hands and knees. The Kids Next Door operatives looked at their foes who were in the midst of picking up their toenails. "Help us pick up our toenail collection!"

"Yeah, uh, no." Numbuh 9-Tails said. He, Numbuhs 5 and 3 raised their weapon and knocked the Delightful Children out cold. Numbuh 9-Tails looked back at the downed Numbuh 86 with a grimace. Even he wasn't so cruel that he'd mention this in the report. "Let's get her out of here, girls."

The two nodded in agreement. Numbuh 3 got a towel for the poor ginger and wrapped her in it. They all made their way down the stairs and came across a surprising sight.

"Vola! One fugitive operative all wrapped up and ready to go!" Numbuh 1 said (who still had the snail on his head), as he was flanked by Numbuhs 2 and 4 (who was holding the dandelion). At their feet was a bundled up Numbuh '206'. The 'teenager' was glaring at the three operatives and then switched her gaze to the lone whiskered blond.

 _Oh, triple crud._ Numbuh 9-Tails groaned and rubbed his head. The proclamation made Numbuh 86 break out of her stupor. The head of decommissioning flung the towel off, seemingly forgetting the few toenails that still riddled her hair, and she marched down the steps.

"That's impossible! _You_ idiots caught Numbuh 206?!"

 _No, no they didn't. Oh man, she's going to be_ so _mad._ Numbuh 9-Tails rubbed his face and pointedly avoided making eye contact with the captive.

" _And_ we kept the dandelion and Norbert safe!" Numbuh 4 said as he proudly present both the flower and the recently named snail.

"Shut up!" Numbuh 86 barked and slapped the flower from the blond's hand. She glared at the boys. "There's _no_ way I'm lettin you Bafoons take credit for my work!"

"It was all thanks to her that this was possible," Numbuh 9-Tails said. He gave his fellow boys a look to play along, but they obviously missed the hint. Oh well, he tried to be nice. Their fault.

"What are you talking about?! We captured him fair and square!" Numbuh 1 protested.

"Ha! If it wasn't for me, you'd still be at the beach, trying to get sand out of your shorts!" Numbuh 86 said as she grabbed onto Numbuh '206' and pulled 'him' along. Numbuh 86 pulled out a remote and pressed it. A split second later and a KND Moon Base transport pod landed right outside the mansion. "So long, ya dumb boys. Let's go Numbuh 9-Tails, we got a report to write up."

Numbuh 9-Tails gave the dumbfounded boys a shrug and stuffed his hands in his pant pockets before he followed Numbuh 86 out, ignoring the muffles and glare that came from her captive. "See ya guys, keep Norbert safe."

"Hold it right there, little miss toenail!" Numbuh 5 said as all of Sector V walked out onto the patio. "We _all_ caught that guy. Boys _and_ girls."

 _Well, she's sort of right._ Numbuh 9-Tails thought, amused.

"Don't worry Numbuh 5," Numbuh 86 said as she turned and smiled at the girl. "I'll make sure you and Numbuh 3 get your share of the credit in the report."

"You know what? Keep your stupid credit, you Moonbase people all the same anyway." Numbuh 5 huffed, and gave Numbuh 9-Tails a look.

"All? This was Numbuh 86's mission, _I_ was just a last minute tag along as ordered by Numbuh 274." The blond operative informed Sector V and put emphasis on his reason for being here.

"Suit yourself, you two, more credit for me~" Numbuh 86 sang out as she closed the hatch when Numbuh 9-Tails entered the pod.

"Yep, all of the credit to this mission's 'success' goes to you, Numbuh 86. You're the sole reason we succeeded." Numbuh 9-Tails praised with a smile. He reached over and helped Numbuh '206' get a little more comfortable.

"Why thank you, Numbuh 9-Tails...you know, for a stoopid boy, you ain't half bad at what ya do." Numbuh 86 returned the compliment and quickly looked away. She was obviously uncomfortable giving praise to the _boy_.

"Thank you, Fanny, that means a lot."

"...You're still an ijiot," Numbuh 86 said with a scowl. She nodded at Numbuh '206' when there was a grunt of affirmation. "Apparently, he agrees."

"Now, now, Numbuh 206, you should know when you've lost." Numbuh 9-Tails tisked and wagged a finger at the 'teen'. The 'rogue' operative struggled in 'his' bindings and let out a few more grunts. "Honestly, not even Numbuh 362 is this much of a sore loser."

He knew he was going to get it once this was all over, but it was _so-o-o_ worth it.

* * *

Once they landed back on the moonbase, they were greeted by the KND diplomats and Numbuh 274 himself. Numbuh 86 tossed Numbuh '206' at their feet.

"Volia! One fugitive operative, all wrapped up and ready to go!" Numbuh 86 buffed her nails on her chest. "Consider it _my_ birthday gift to Numbuh 206."

"It was all thanks to Numbuh 86. Really, she was on fire during the whole mission." Numbuh 9-Tails told his superiors.

"Yes, I want it on record that all credit goes to me, as Numbuh 9-Tails can support."

"Big time support." The blond operative nodded. "Sector V can vouch that all credit to the success goes to Numbuh 86's superb leadership and tactics."

"Hehe, looks like Numbuh 362 is going to give me a big promotion." She crossed her arms and gained a gleeful look on her face.

"Uh, Numbuh 86…" The Supreme Commander said as he tapped the girl on the shoulder.

"What?"

"I don't, uh…" Numbuh 274 trailed off as he pointed to the unwrapped and _furious_ Numbuh 362. Numbuh 86 paled.

"N-N-Numbuh 362, sir, I mean, ma'am…" The head of decommissioning stuttered.

"Rache! What are you doing here?!" Naruto gasped in shock. His next words made Numbuh 86's skin turn as white as a sheet of paper. "I thought you were on a top secret mission to infiltrate the Delightful Children From Down The Lane's Mansion!"

"You idiot!" Rachel jabbed a finger right into Numbuh 86's chest. "I was so close to getting the Delightful Children's plans! And you attack me from out of nowhere! Who's side are you on anyway?! I am ashamed to call you a girl! I never thought a girl would be so stupid, but you are, by far, the second most idiotic person I've ever met!"

"Who's the first?" Numbuh 274 casually asked, which got a dirty look from Naruto. Numbuh 274 shrugged and the diplomats merely smiled at the boy.

"And _you_!" Rachel spun around and grabbed Naruto by the collar of his shirt. "You knew who I was the second I pulled out the Spiraling Snap Kick to disarm her! How could you let this happen?!"

"Hey, like I've been saying," Naruto said as he backed out of Rachel's grasp and pointed at the redheaded girl. "It was all thanks to Fanny, here. She gets all of the 'credit'."

"...Wait a minute, _that's_ why you kept sayin that?!" The ginger gaped at him. "You knew it wasn't Numbuh 206!?"

"...Wha-a-at? No, of course not!" Naruto protested. He fidgeted uneasily under the two girls' glares. "Well...Maybe, I did...Yeah...I knew. I mean, 206 doesn't wear purple. He _hates_ purple. He likes burgundy."

"Na-Ru-To!" Rachel tackled her friend to the ground, where a cloud of dust quickly engulfed them.

"Hm, and we still have to find Numbuh 206." Numbuh 274 mused, his arms crossed and his head tilted back in thought. He ignored the display before him, like it was perfectly normal while the KND diplomats were stunned at the behavior of their high level operatives. He cleared his throat and Numbuhs 362 and 9-Tails snapped to attention, the latter more scuffed up than the former. "Numbuh 9-Tails, Numbuh 86, for this mix up, I want Numbuh 206 in front of me in two hours."

"Two hours?! But that's impossible, sir!" Numbuh 86 exclaimed. She was exhausted and had been traumatized enough today. All she wanted now was a nice warm bath. With bubbles. Lots of bubbles. And her Bath-Time Rainbow Monkey.

"Meh, we'll have him in an hour." Naruto shrugged. He interlaced his hands behind his head. "Give or take a nacho break."

"Tch, cocky boy." Numbuh 86 scowled at the blond. He sent a beaming grin back her way.

"It's called confidence, Fanny."

* * *

"This...is so stoopid." Numbuh 86 grumbled as she held a brand new bag of Ultra Cheesy Cheesy Poofs in the middle of the Delightful Children's backyard.

"Trust me, this'll work," Numbuh 9-Tails said. He twirled a large black skillet in his hand and walked over to a hedge. He jumped into the hedge and waited for a moment before he popped his head back out. "Remember to open it on my mark."

"I remember your stoopid plan, ya ijiot!"

"Okay, just checking." Numbuh 9-Tails ducked back into the hedge, leaving the Irish girl to grumble under her breath about dumb boys and stupid orders and other 'stoopid' things. "...Now!"

The hissed order was immediately followed by the sharp pop and tear of a plastic bag opening. The alluring aroma of cheesy goodness wafted through the air. The other end of the hedge rustled once, then twice, and after the third, a head poked out. The head of a teenage boy wearing a darkly colored outfit with a burgundy accent.

He sniffed audibly and took a single step out of his hiding place. Then, Numbuh 9-Tails jumped out beside him and swung the skillet _hard_ into the teen's face. The _real_ Numbuh 206 fell to the ground, out cold.

Numbuh 86 gaped like a fish.

Numbuh 9-Tails tossed his mom's old skillet into the air and caught it before he rested it on his shoulder. He strolled over to the awestruck head of decommissioning and sunk his hand into the bag. He pulled out one of the cheesy puff balls from the bag and examined it before he popped it in his mouth. "Numbuh 206 can never, _ever_ , refuse the smell of Cheesy Poofs, it's his ultimate weakness."

"...I-I can't believe that actually worked..." Numbuh 86 mumbled. Numbuh 9-Tails grinned at her and took the bag of snacks from her.

"Believe it!"

* * *

 **Engineer4Ever: And they say that from that day on, Numbuh 86 always carried with her a bag of Cheesy Poofs.**

 **Bonesboy15: Well, Cheesy Poofs** _ **are**_ **the greatest goodness to walk this earth. And ice cream. And Chocolate. ...There's a lot, okay. Cheesy Poofs are just awesome.**

 **Engineer4Ever: And that's the situation with Fanny, we enjoyed this chapter and decided to give 206 a fate since we never hear about him. Again.**

 **Bonesboy15: ...And cue a moment of silence, for that teenager that roams the streets...Forever, un-decommission.**

 **Welp! You know what we want you to do.**

 **Review!**


	6. JOCKSTRAP

**Written by Bonesboy15 & Engineer4Ever, aka The KrossKings**

 **Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Codename: Kids Next Door, please support the official release.**

 **Numbuh 9-Tales**

 **Operation: J. O. C. K. S. T. R. A. P.**

 **Juicy**

 **Operation**

 **Conceals**

 **Kriminal**

 **Scheme**

 **To**

 **Ruin**

 **Agents**

 **Playtime**

* * *

Naruto, eyes narrowed, ducked behind the couch in his living room. His breathing was ragged, sweat trickled his brow and he wiped it off with his forearm. He was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and had what looked like dried foam on his arm.

"Crud, they already got Kanon." Naruto mumbled to himself. He chanced a look over the edge of the couch and raised his fist. "Mark my words, my little sister will be avenged!"

He ducked under three thrown toothbrushes that were then imbedded in the wall before he popped back out and smirked. "Ha! You missed!"

"You have to stop these little proclamations while in cover, sweetie." His mother's voice rang in his ear before a lasso of dental floss bound him around the arms. He was yanked out from behind the couch and landed with a grunt on the living room floor. Dazed, the blond blinked a few times before he looked up to see his parents standing over him.

His mother was armed with more dental floss than even Sector V's local dental health nut Night Brace and his father had commando-like ammunition sleeves over his chest and around his waist, but instead of bullets, there were toothbrushes.

"Now," Minato began as he held up two toothbrushes. "It's time to brush your teeth and go to bed, Naruto."

"Never!" Naruto exclaimed as he broke out of his bindings and leapt away from his parents. He reached behind him and pulled out a pair of Candy Bar Nunchucks. Naruto spun the weapons masterfully and let out a warcry as he charged at his parents. He went after his mother first, knowing she was the stronger target and had the most reach with her deadly Dental Rope of Doom.

Kushina leapt over her son and kicked him square in the back hard enough to send him tumbling. She quickly prepared another lasso and threw it. A grin crossed her face when his leg was ensnared and he was tugged right back to her.

"C'mon, Naruto, you know how this is going to end," she said as she reeled in her struggling son. Her baby boy's blue eyes went wide when a toothbrush was shoved into his mouth. He flailed his Candy Chucks around to defend himself and one struck his dad's hand.

"Ah, son of a-!" Minato hissed and shook out his hand.

"Minato! You finish that sentence and it's going to cost you more than just a dollar in the Swear Jar!" Kushina growled. Her husband grimaced.

"Yes, dear."

Naruto spun his weapons and glared at his parents while he hopped on one foot. "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!"

"...Sweetie, you aren't Ken Benobi."

"I could be if I wanted to! I was for Halloween!" Naruto paused and pulled out a tape recorder. "Note to self: Send beam-sword to the dorks and see if they can't make a 2x4 one."

"Old Trilogy or New?" Minato demanded sternly. Naruto looked at him like he was crazy.

"Classic, duh."

The blond man released a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. You're still my son then."

"And just as gullible as ever. Now!" Kushina cried out as she yanked hard on the floss, pulling her son's feet out from under him. While Naruto was airborne, she twisted the floss around and around in the air until Naruto was bound up like a spider's lunch. "Besides, Ruler of the Rings is _way_ better than Galactic Wars."

"No! How could you use the Trilogy against me, Dad!? I thought you had a soul!"

"It's for your own good!" The blond man turned away in order to conceal the pained, tearful look that had come across his face from his son. _It was for the greater good. Forgive me, Naruto_.

"Traitor! You're a traitor to the Alliance-!"

"Stuff it." Kushina said as she knelt down and began to viciously brush her son's wonderful teeth. There was no way was she going to let them rot out like hers had when she was a little girl! The bills for all the repair were _still_ piling up.

"GURGHA!" Naruto protested in vain as every tooth was brushed 32 times on all sides with Winter Mint toothpaste. He may have been defeated tonight, but soon enough, he'd win.

One day he'd win.

Or he'd die trying.

* * *

"Numbuh 9-Tails," Numbuh 274 said as they were both flying in a two man speed ship.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Can you keep your mouth closed and stop checking your teeth? It's putting a glare on the window."

Numbuh 9-Tails closed his mouth and looked down sheepishly. "Sorry, Boss. We're still going to get a big block of fudge, right? I need to dim this down."

"You can count on it. And a whole lot of root beer." The Supreme Commander agreed.

"Epic." Numbuh 9-Tails beamed, literally.

"Close those choppers!"

"Sorry!" The younger blond covered his mouth. "So what's the Op again? It's rare for you to go in the field like this."

"Hey, I like to stretch my butt kicking muscles just as much as you do, so let me share in on the fun." The older blond grinned. His smile faded as he turned to look ahead. "The mission is targeting a Teen HQ, they're plotting to make all us kids drink all the fruit juices while they keep the soda all to themselves."

"...I don't see how that's evil. I like a good ol' glass of orange juice from time to time," Numbuh 9-Tails said.

"ALL of the soda. We get none, nada, zilch, zip, zero."

"...N-Not even _orange_ soda?"

"Any caffeinated drink you can think of."

Numbuh 9-Tails punched his palm and scowled. "Diabolical Teenagers!"

"Exactly, so we're going to take down their little sugar rush with these." He said, holding a small candy box that read: Soda Pebbles. "Let's see how they like all their soda blown sky high! Along with their base."

"...Boss, I'm glad I'm not your enemy." Numbuh 9-Tails shook his head. Numbuh 274 smiled thinly.

"Same here, buddy."

* * *

They landed down on a roof that overlooked a Mini-Mart and hopped out of the ship. They ran to the edge of the rooftop and peered down at the Mini-Mart. Numbuh 9-Tails tilted his head as he looked down at the teenagers sitting in front of the store, drinking soda and munching on candy.

"So, are we tailing them to their base?" he asked his superior, but the older blond shook his head. With his foot planted on the ledge, Numbuh 274 leaned on his knee.

"No. Observe," He said to Numbuh 9-Tails. The younger blond turned to do so and watched as the teens disappeared behind a dumpster.

"Where did they-?!"

"Underneath the Mini Mart." Numbuh 274 said, "Why do you think teenagers hang out at them so much?"

"...Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense." Numbuh 9-Tails mumbled. He furrowed his brow in thought. _Wait a minute, I think I knew one of those teens..._

"Exactly." The red armored operative said with a nod as he secured their 'bomb' to his backpack. "Let's go pay our seniors a welcome."

"For soda?"

"For soda." Numbuh 274 gave a nod. They climbed down the building and snuck over to the Mini Mart dumpster. Numbuh 274 knocked it a few times, looking around every corner of it with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Aha! Found it." Numbuh 274 smirked and hit a small bolt on the side, which in actuality was a button. A hole opened up beneath the two blonds' feet and they looked at each other before they fell through it. Neither screamed, as they stealthily landed in the lair of teenagers. Loud rock and roll music blared through the sewer-like hideout, multiple teens walking around were nodding their heads to the beat.

"Ugh, they're like zombies." Numbuh 9-Tails grimaced at the duo of teenage boys that were bobbing their heads as they walked by.

"It's how the adults control them after all," Numbuh 274 whispered.

"Then why do adults tell them to turn it off all the time?"

"...Naruto, if your parents told you _not_ to do something, what would you do?"

"...Adults are much sneakier than we give them credit for."

Numbuh 274 nodded in agreement and then looked over the edge of the scrapped car they'd crouched down behind.

"Okay, their computer should be around here somewhere. We need to hack it to find the location of their soda storage," he said and pointed to the left where, right next to a massive DDR machine, was a large monitor and console. "Think you can run a distraction, lil buddy?"

Numbuh 9-Tails snorted. "According to my dad, I was born to be a distraction."

Numbuh 274 pulled out the Pop Pebbles and handed them to Numbuh 9-Tails. "Once I find the location, I'll direct you around via the security cameras and give you the best route to get out."

"And turn their defenses against them?"

"Please, that wasn't even needed to be asked."

Both blonds grinned and quickly high-fived. They parted ways in order to do what they did best. Because that's what they were.

The best.

* * *

While the teens were dancing to their music, Numbuh 9-Tails snuck by and entered what appeared to be the bunk area. Numbuh 9-Tails wasn't very impressed, in his own personal opinion there was a severe lack of bunk beds, and far too much bland-ness.

"Geez, teenagers have dull hideouts." Numbuh 9-Tails grinned as he spun two orange spray paint cans in his hands. "Let's give it some color and liven it up!"

Numbuh 9-Tails tucked one of the cans under his right armpit and then looked at the device on his wrist. It was a 2x4 handcrafted watch, but instead of a clock face, what his mother said was the family's symbol stuck out. This was Numbuh 9-Tails' W.R.I.S.T.W.A.T.C.H. (Watch Replicates Instantly Super Totally Wicked And Tough Clone Heroes), a customized variant of the issued communication device handed out to sector leaders.

Numbuh 9-Tails grinned and pushed down on the spiral. A hum was heard before a large cloud of smoke engulfed him. There were now twenty Numbuh 9-Tails now and the all began to jump around, spraying the hideout in their own sense of taste. By the time they were discovered, nearly all of the hallway and several rooms were totally neon orange.

"Catch us if you can, _teenagers_!" One of the blond boys jeered before they fled laughing into the hallways. Immediately, the teens gave chase.

It was all that was needed to leave Numbuh 274 with one lone teen manning their super computer. Alarms flaring at the intrusion, the teenage hideout was on wide alert for the blond kid.

"There's one in the garage, I repeat, one of the lil dude's copies in the gara-Hey! Stay away from my bike, you little punk! Argh, guys, get this kid! He just turned my bike orange! How am I supposed to take Suzie out with a neon orange bike!?" The teenager shouted over the communications. He felt his shoulder tapped and turned around. "Yeah, what're-?"

Bam! A solid blow to the face knocked the teenager unconscious.

Numbuh 274 swung his bag around and pulled out a collar. Before he put it around his neck, he dipped his finger into the teen's mouth and swirled it around. With a determined frown set on his face, the Supreme Leader lathered the saliva over a chip that, once done, put into the collar. Numbuh 274 pulled the collar around his neck and his voice changed to become identical to the teenager's.

"Tubular." Numbuh 274 grimaced at the use of the word. He cleared his throat and said, "Wait, he left the garage, there's a bunch of lil dudes in the concert hall. Get em!"

Of course there was no one there, but that was fine with the KND Supreme Commander.

"Now to find those files," Numbuh 274 said under his breath as he began searching for his intended target.

* * *

Numbuh 9-Tails assumed himself an artist at the tender age of two years old, when he drew all over his dad's original Rainbow Monkey episode ideas. Would've saved his fellow boys a heap-load of trouble if his father hadn't already copied them and sent them off to other adults to make it into a television show. And, though his father was sore over the ordeal, his mother often told him to express himself with art whenever he wanted to.

Which is precisely what he and his clones were doing at the moment.

"I think this hallway needs more orange guys." Numbuh 9-Tails mused, stroking his chin in thought.

"What about blue?" A clone asked, only for the original to punch it, making it go poof and disappear.

"Blue?! And you called yourself my clone? Blasphemy!" Numbuh 9-Tails huffed. He crossed his arms and furrowed his brows. "Blue...Actually, maybe it would compliment the orange…"

"I was thinking it was fine the way it was." Numbuh 9-Tails turned around at the new voice and scowled. A teenager with pale lavender eyes and long brown hair stood a few feet away from him. He wore a beige shirt and loose pants, ninja-tabi socks on his feet in place of shoes. A single-strap backpack was fastened over his chest and wrapped around his head was a headband that had two long straps dangling from it.

"...I remember you!" Numbuh 9-Tails declared with a finger pointed at the older teen angrily. "You're the reason I had to run Drill Number 3892! Do you know how long I had to ... _Read_!? Do you!? I had to read a non-fictional report on the history of box sales! Box sales! Do you know how long people have been selling _boxes_!?"

"...A while?"

"... _Centuries._ "

The teen blinked. "I...Apologize."

"...Yeah, well you should because-wait, what?"

"I apologize," The teen simply said as he fell into a fighting stance, one hand in front of him and the other behind him. "I've brought much harm upon you, but now I have to stop you. It would be easier if you just surrendered. I am older and stronger than you."

"I'd like to see you try." Numbuh 9-Tails's eyes narrowed and he lifted his fists up at the ready. His clones set their paint down and began to flank him. "You blind sided me last time you pizza-faced dork! Let's see you handle all I got when I'm not disoriented by a stupid helmet!"

The teen's eyes narrowed in turn. "...I was going to go easy on you. It seems that courtesy must be retracted."

"Get ready, white-eyes! Attack!" Numbuh 9-Tails cried out before he and his clones rushed at the teen.

* * *

Numbuh 274 kept his eyes on the monitors and clicked his tongue when he saw Numbuh 9-Tails and his clones' opponent.

"Neji Hyuuga. Of course the teenagers would grab him." Numbuh 274 frowned as he recalled the talent the former KND Close-Quarter-Combat specialist had. He just hoped Numbuh 9-Tails could take on the old Numbuh 411. The monitor beeped and he returned his vision to the line of code that ran down the screen of the primary monitor.

"Yes, just what I need." The KND Supreme Commander smiled gently as he began to furiously type on the keyboard. A glance at the clock and he frowned. He needed more time. He looked back at Numbuh 9-Tails' other clones. "Dudes! Get him! He's in the girls' rooms messing with their bras! Huh... frilly red, sweet."

"Cute, kid. Now back away from the monitor." A cold female voice said from behind him.

Numbuh 274's eyes narrowed as he slowly turned around. He smirked gently and used his voice modifier to say, "Hey babe."

The girl's brown eyes narrowed. She wore the teen ninja's issued B.R.A. with the helmet down, showing off a pair of brunette buns, making her look like a panda.

"First off, not even my boyfriend can call me that, so don't even start it. Second off, surrender, your done Numbuh 274." The girl smirked when the blond frowned. "Of course we know who the Kids Next Dumbs Supreme Commander is."

"Well," The Supreme Commander said as he raised his hands in surrender. "You should know something about me."

"Oh?" She asked, tensing when the blond's eyes narrowed and he smirked.

"Yeah," Numbuh 274 said. "I'm the best there is."

With that, he slammed his hand on the Big Red Button that was labeled: Defenses. New alarms started to sound off and the girl looked at him like he was an idiot.

"What are you, stupid? That's for us to use against kids like you!"

The red armored kid grinned as the laser guns popped out above the monitor and aimed at the teenager.

"Not if I recon-figur-la-fied your systems' ID picker." Numbuh 274 told her smugly as he pressed another button that made the lasers charge up.

"I. Hate. Kids." She grumbled and glared at him before she started to dodge laser fire, just like all the other teenagers around the base.

As Numbuh 274 turned back to the monitor, he muttered. "Come on, little buddy, use this to deliver the package."

* * *

"That doesn't sound good." Numbuh 9-Tails mused as he redirected a palm strike with his forearm. Sweat dripped from his brow while he fought against the teenager. The white-eyed teen was stronger, faster, and had a longer reach, but Numbuh 9-Tails had tenacity, something the older boy learned the hard way. If he had to be honest, Numbuh 9-Tails was starting to have fun.

Unfortunately, with the added lasers and other various distractions, the KND operative could tell that it was time for him to wrap this up. His clones rushed at the teenager and attempted to tackle him, but the teenager defeated them with a quick succession of sharp blows that dispelled them from existence. Numbuh 9-Tails was forced to go on the defensive one more time. The teenager went for a bell clap to disorient the blond, but Numbuh 9-Tails was fast enough to bring his arms up defensively. Doing so left his sides open, something the teenager anticipated.

The bell clap was a feint, and Numbuh 9-Tails was jabbed by two fingers each in either side of his torso, just under the end of his rib cage. The sharp poke made the KND operative gasp and he was tripped up by a simple behind the leg sweep. Numbuh 9-Tails hit the ground with a thud and groaned as a foot pressed down on his chest.

"You're not going anywhere, brat." The teen snorted. "You lost because you were arrogant enough to think that you could beat me."

"L-Let me go! I'm going to be late for a party," Numbuh 9-Tails said as he wriggled around under the teenager's foot.

"I don't think so, what do I care if you're late for a - wait a minute." The second sentence made the teen frown and look down at him in confusion. "You're late for a party?"

"Yeah! I gotta be there! I'm s'pose to drop something super-ultra-triplely-important off!" Numbuh 9-Tails grit out.

"Really?" The teen smirked. "And what would that be?"

Numbuh 9-Tails' struggling stopped and he smirked at the teen. "The disco ball."

"The wha-?" Numbuh 9-Tails gave the teenager a bright smile, his teeth reflecting what miniscule light there was in the hallway and amplifying it tenfold. Right into the poor teen's eyes. The teenager stepped off of him and stumbled back with his hands over the organs. "AHH! MY EYES! I'M BLIND!"

The KND Operative used this distraction to get to his feet and run off with a grimace on his face.

 _Mom and Dad can_ never _find out about this_.

* * *

"And done." Numbuh 274 said as he pulled out a small device and plugged it into the mainframe of the teens base. Suddenly, the monitor changed to the color blue with the word ERROR showing up everywhere. He turned to the panting girl as the laser guns began to spin and explode. "It's been real, teenager, but I got a date with some fudge."

"I won't forget this, you runt!" The girl called after him as he fled. "Soon enough, you'll be a teen, too!"

Numbuh 274's smirk fell and he scowled.

He was more than aware of that.

* * *

Numbuh 9-Tails shimmed down the ladder and entered the Soda Storage facility. Upon opening the door, his eyes went wide and his jaw popped open in awe.

"Whoa."

Gallons upon gallons of soda was stored in large incubators. Any kind of soda you could think of, even foreign types, were down here. Chilled to perfection, fizzled to the optimum capacity, and each variant of soda looked downright _delicious_.

"Now, where's it all connected? It's always all connected…" The blond operative wondered as he crossed his arms and scanned the area. After a moment of search, his eyes landed on a computer set in the middle of the room and his lips pulled back into a smile. "There you are!"

Numbuh 9-Tails jogged over to the Central Carbonation System that helped kept the soda fizzy. He started to tap the buttons, his eyes narrowed and his tongue coming out the corner of his mouth.

"Where? Where? Where? Aha! Got it!" The kid grinned as he located the air compression value. He walked over to it and bent to his knees. From his pocket he pulled out a simple multi-purpose screwdriver. What? Not everything had to be Two-by-Four technology.

"Just gotta crack you open." He muttered as he began to unscrew the bolts. After he did that, a rush of air began to hiss out as he slid the air tube out of the way. Pulling the Pop Pebbles from his back pocket, Numbuh 9-Tails stuffed them down the hole, slid the tube back in place and screwed it in.

His blue eyes watched the Pop Pebbles shoot up the tube, the force breaking up the package and the little candies disbursing to practically all the soda.

"Time to jet." Numbuh 9-Tails said as he sprinted towards the ladder and climbed it like crazy. Once he got to the top, he called Numbuh 274 and ran back down the hall. "The present is under the Christmas Tree, I repeat, the present is under the Christmas Tree."

" _Excellent. I'm all done on my end. So get out of there, we have a minute at most!"_

"Roger that, Boss!" Numbuh 9-Tails replied and put his communicator away. He jumped over the teen who he'd beaten, still whimpering about his eyes, and rounded a bend. As he followed the emergency exit signs, Numbuh 9-Tails chuckled. "Man, teens are more scatter-brained than kids are."

"You're the last one to be calling anyone a scatter-brain, Numbuh 9-Tails," Numbuh 274 said as they joined up in the hallway, both sprinting for the exit. The younger of the two blonds sent his senior a pout.

"Not funny, Boss."

"You're the one that mixed up the signs for the bathroom."

"Wh-I was seven! You pinky-swore to never say anything about that!"

* * *

The two burst through the exit into the Mini Mart, rushing passed a very confused group of teens before the ground started to rumble. They exchanged looks before they ran out the door, screaming when a crack in the floor started to spray out a geyser of soda.

Numbuhs 9-Tails and 274 ran for the building they'd landed their ship on, intent on getting as far away from the danger zone as possible. Using two collapsable one-use-only KND-issued grappling guns, the two operatives fired the hooks to the rooftop and rapidly climbed the side of the building, just as the Mini Mart started to bloat, teens pressed against the glass doors and windows with their mouths closed so they wouldn't drown in soda. Just as they climbed over the edge of the roof, the Mini Mart exploded.

"I...wow." Numbuh 9-Tails could only say as he and Numbuh 274 looked at the massive crater of fizz, rubble, and groaning teenagers. "That's a big hole."

"Told ya, works every time. This mission is a success." Numbuh 274 grinned as he turned around, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He casually started walking back to their ship as Numbuh 9-Tails trailed after him.

"So, fudge time?" Numbuh 9-Tails asked. He pointed at his teeth. "In case you haven't noticed yet, I've got a cruddy disco ball in my mouth!"

"Naruto, you can get as much fudge as you want," Chad said with a grin. "Come on, let's go hangout."

"All right!"

* * *

 **E4E: And this is our second original Operation. Hope you guys liked it!**

 **BB15: Man, you guys have no idea how long this took to get out. There were at least three drafts...of the drafts!**

 **E4E: I wonder if anyone can see the secrets we put into this chapter? Let's see!**

 **BB15: Of course they can, our readers are beautiful and smart...Hell, they're almost like** _ **our**_ **Lovelies. ...Bet that's coined. Hmm...I'll think of something.**

 **Y'all know what we want you to do:**

 **REVIEW!**


End file.
